November 25th - One month before Christmas

“Hi Jeongguk, you’re looking wonderful today.” Molly sauntered over to Jeongguk as he cleaned his motorcycle boots and shined his leather pants. Jeongguk gasped, “Your hair is divine. Are those curls new?”

“Now you know they aren’t. These are the same curls that I’ve had since 1965,” Molly’s porcelain cheeks flushed pink. Her hair was indeed wonderful, with long black spirals that contrasted brilliantly against the green eyes that closed whenever she laid down.

Of course Jeongguk knew that her curls weren’t new. Nothing about Molly was new. In fact Molly was indeed the oldest vinyl plastic ever manufactured. She was like the Grandma of the group, labeled as such because of her ubiquitous antiquity; an heirloom that they revered. She was tall for her age, a full twenty-four inches. The dress she wore was immaculate, not a crease out of place. With her erect back and debutante constructed posture, she strutted elegantly; reminiscent of the Barbies of the era. Long cotton socks traveled up her slender legs, with the elastic gripping around the knee. She pulled at them often as the elastic had worn over the years, causing them to wrinkle at her knee caps. The patent leather shoes on her poised feet had seen better days, yet incredibly, the original shine remained allowing Jeongguk to see his reflection whenever he stood close to her. The sleeves of her green, brown and yellow floral patterned dress were rounded at the shoulders. With a tightly woven cotton that allowed a bit of stretch whenever she lifted her arms, the dress had undergone several cosmetic surgeries; all by Molly’s hand, all because of her desperate need to remain fashionably relevant. 

Molly’s fashion was fiercely on-trend - for 1965. However for 2026, she presented as a bit dated. Molly was not without pride. Her age often made her self-conscious as more younger models joined the home. 

“You’re such a bullshitter, Jeongguk. You could charm the panties off of a snake, Molly laughed.

“You know you love it,” Jeongguk winked. He walked over to the south wall where the clowns were juggling and telling off-color jokes. With a casual wave, he sat down on a blow-up couch made of plastic and invited Molly to sit next to him. 

“So listen,” Molly said as she settled next to Jeongguk, “did you hear about Mildred and Ralph?”

“Mildred and Ralph…Mildred and Ralph Potato Head?”

“The very ones. So apparently Mildred caught Ralph canoodling with Tiana.”

“TIANA! Canoodling? What kind of porn shop are we running here? I swear this new generation is full of horny woods. So what happened?”

“She kicked his ass. Yeah, rumor has it that his nose, mustache, hat and left shoe were found in an alley behind the Lego K-mart.”

“And Tiana?” Jeongguk leaned in with great interest.

“Missing. No one has seen her since.”

“No!” Jeongguk gasped and covered his mouth. “You don’t think that she…,”

“That’s exactly what I think. Mildred has been putting up with Ralph’s cheating bullshit for years. I don’t blame her for finally snapping. Before Tiana, he was caught slapping the butts of the bots.”

“You would think that he would keep it in his pants.”

“He doesn’t wear pants!” Molly reminded him. “None of his ancestor’s wore pants either. It’s like they were built to be whores from day one,” Molly said with extreme judgement.

“Well, that’s part of the problem. That’s right. Scandalous behavior,”  Jeongguk agreed. The plastic blow up couch made an obnoxiously appalling noise as the leather on his pants shifted against it. Molly kicked her feet back and forth, causing Jeongguk’s reflection in her shoes to swing in and out of view. “What’s the elf committee going to do about it?”

“There’s a hearing scheduled for tomorrow. But no one really knows the full story of what happened, no one except Mildred. And she’s not talking. She took off her lips and teeth and hid them so that no one could find them. She completely silenced herself. The intern elves have been searching for hours. They even checked ‘the outside,’” Molly explained. 

“Never a boring day around here is there?”

“Never.”

Just as Molly was about to continue her gossip, an ear piercing alarm blared, disrupting the peace of every vinyl in the room. From the cardboard bottom of the barrel, they could see a ruby light circling and beaming, rotating rapidly, blinding them all. It was the ominous sound they had all grown to despise - the chute was opening.  

“RUN, RUN, the chute is opening, the chute is opening.” The cowardly clowns were the first to take cover.

Pandemonium erupted as the yarns, the vinyls, the porcelains, the fabrics, even the plastics scattered and ran for cover.

Molly grabbed Jeongguk’s hand and pulled him from the couch. “Come on Jeongguk, we have to move. We have to take cover. It’s the chute. It’s opening. The chute is opening.”

Jeongguk stuttered. “I-I…,” He had only experienced one chute alarm during his tenure and he was frightened, to the point of paralysis. Unsure of what to do, he pulled a plastic knife from the velcro enclosure of his camouflage cargo pants and pointed it randomly towards the blaring alarms. 

“Move kid, whatever is about to come down that shoot, you want no part of it landing on you. Come on.” Molly tugged hard. She was much bigger than Jeongguk, by about twelve inches and 450 grams. She handled him easily, pulling him from his feet as she hustled him to the corner, away from the chute deposit. Molly guided him to safety, far away from the pending danger.

 

The unoiled hinges of the large door released a long deafening creak. Subsequent pops and rattles caused the crowd below to cower and cover their ears, trembling with uncertainty. A rainfall of rust and dirt fell over them as the door continued to slowly slide open. Wind flooded the space, pushing a crisp chill over their heads and surrounding them with remnants of coppery rust. The angry hinges came to a sudden halt, leaving an eerie uncomfortable silence. The chute was fully open. 

 

The falls were never graceful. All of the residents at one point or another had experienced it. Afterall, delivery by chute was the only way in. Being dropped, sometimes carelessly, from a height of seventy-two inches was never pleasant. Only the strongest could survive. The process within itself was horrific and many didn’t make it. Some, especially the porcelain beauties, were much too frail to survive such a turbulent entrance into their new world.  

Remembered, but not often spoken about, were those who were crushed. In a particularly gruesome death, those who failed to heed the alarms and warnings of a chute opening, often met a dismal end as heavy newcomers landed on them, shattering them to pieces. It was imperative to flee the chute deposit when the warning was given, otherwise risk elimination. And it was happening again. Someone new was on their way down. The residents could only look on with horror as they anticipated the fate of this newcomer. They hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst. 

 

Screams came from the sky, distant at first, but ever closer as the figure fell through the darkness. Instinctively, they all looked up. Whatever was falling, was falling fast. They could see a light figure flailing in the darkness tragically grasping for anything to break its fall. 

Each of the onlookers squinted trying to decipher the who, what and why. Molly hid her face as the screeching of the fallen burned her ears.

At once the screams halted with one final thump, resulting in a cloud of coppery dust so thick that it billowed into the air, completely masking the figure that had slapped into the ground. 

With the room suddenly silent and the alarms disengaged, each of the dolls slowly emerged from their hiding places. No one knew what they would find. In a tightly gathered circle, they surrounded the choking cloud of dust waiting for it to reveal their new resident. The final clearing seemed to take forever. Raggedy Andy and GI Joe were the first to approach, swatting at the dust with their hands in an effort to clear it all away. They moved in slowly, cautiously, with dread. 

The dust cleared and the body of the figure was slowly revealed. There were immediate gasps from the crowd as soon as it came into view.

“Oh no. Is it…hurt?” Jeongguk asked as he stepped closer to the lump on the dusty ground.

“Possibly,” Molly said sadly. It happens sometimes.

“I have to help,” Jeongguk said as he tightened the chin strap on his helmet. He rushed forward, bypassing GI Joe and Raggedy Andy who were both moving much too slowly.

“Jeongguk!” Molly tried to wrestle him back. No one knew the thing’s condition and she didn’t want young Jeongguk to be the first to discover something horrible.

Jeongguk ran to its side, “Are you ok? Are you ok? Can you hear me? Please say you’re…ok.” He spoke gently to the lump of wood on the floor. He reached out to touch him, swiping away the fallen debris from his back. With a soft curl of his hand, he caressed it’s head and consoled it. “That was quite a fall. Seems like that’s the only way into this place,” he laughed uncomfortably as the figure on the ground continued to remain still.   

Raggedy Andy and GI Joe stood back. The fact that the item was still not moving was not a good sign. They all feared the worst, the newcomer had not survived the turbulent fall. Just as Molly stepped forward to pull Jeongguk away, they heard a faint scraping of wood against cement. The newcomer popped up a single finger and then dropped it back down to the ground before popping up several more and squeezing them into a fist. His head moved awkwardly from left to right, with its chin dragging along the dust covered floor. The sound of splintering wood spilled from his joints as he attempted to roll over and rise to his feet. 

“That’s it. Take it easy…take your time. Shake it off,” Jeongguk smiled from behind his helmet. 

And by all accounts it was indeed a him. Jeongguk grabbed its heavy arm. The surface was smooth, constructed of grainy wood with the rare feel of silk. Jeongguk had never felt anything like it before.  

The other moved sparingly at first as if he were stiff from the fall. Yet, he seemed fully intact with no defects or injuries at all. At once he gripped his forehead, feeling around for dents as scratches because he had landed directly on his face. He took a single step, maybe two before listing over into Jeongguk’s arms.

“Whoa, I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” Jeongguk reassured him.

The crowd grasped as Jeongguk pulled the figure towards the light.

“Beechwood!” One of the clowns yelled from the rear.

“Pure beechwood,” one of the porcelains agreed.

 

The newcomer held tightly onto Jeongguk as he was paraded around the room and guided to the plastic blow up couch. All eyes were glued to the beautifully marbled striations embedded in the rose gold grain of its surface. The newcomer was indeed of splendid beechwood construction; extremely rare for figurines in that region. He was so heavy that Jeongguk had trouble holding him upright. By the time they reached the blow up couch, the figurine was holding Jeongguk more than Jeongguk was holding him.

“Where am I? How did I get here? Who are you?” The beechwood beauty questioned as he looked around the dim room at all of the faces that stared back at him.

“You’re naked. Are you kin to the Potato Head family?” Jeongguk asked innocently. 

“Who? What’s a potato head?” He asked in response.

“You don’t know the Potato Head clan? You must have really bumped your noggin.”

“You mean the vintage Potato Heads…of Idaho?” The figure asked.

“Yea, those,” Jeongguk laughed.

 With so many onlookers around, Jeongguk took it upon himself to cover the stranger. He searched through GI Joe’s wardrobe and quickly came upon a sequenced shirt, with a pink tie and black leather pants. “GI Joe, can we borrow these?”

“Sure. I haven’t worn that outfit since 2018. He can have it,” GI Joe said kindly.

Jeongguk placed the bundle of clothes gently across Jimin’s arms. “Here. Put these on. I think you’ll feel more comfortable.  

“Clothes? You want me to wear clothes?” Jimin asked.

“You sure you’re not one of the potato heads?”

“I assure you, I am not. But if I cover myself in clothes, how will you admire my construction?”  the newcomer asked. 

“Trust me. Everyone here fully understands your construction. You’re…exquisite, something out of a movie,” Jeongguk had no other words to describe him. “Here, take a seat. I’m not so sure you’re completely recovered from that terrible fall.” Jeongguk urged the newcomer to sit down. 

However, his heavy beechwood frame was too much for the blow up couch. As soon as his bottom made contact and he released his weight, the entire couch deflated, toppling him to the floor.

“Oh, oh I’m so sorry.” Jeongguk helped him to his feet. This just isn’t your day. Oh dear.  “My name is Jeongguk. I’m a Mattel. Part of the Harley Davidson Collectors Edition. And you are…?” Jeongguk held out his hand with the intention of a handshake.

“Jiminie. At least that’s what my father calls me. Jiminie. But I believe I’m registered as Park Jimin.”

Raggedy Andy moved in to get a closer look at the one who called himself Jiminie. “You’re…you’re not from around these parts are you? You’re extraordinary. I’ve never seen anything like you. I mean you’re a wooden doll but you have fully posable joints. What are you? How did you get this way? Surely you’re not from the factory, like the rest of us.”

“No…no you’re definitely not like us. You’re very far from home, aren’t you Jimin?” GI Joe asked. 

“I - I don’t know how to answer that question because I don’t know where I am. Can someone please tell me? Where am I?” Jiminie questioned.

“Hello Jiminie. My name is Maricela, I’m an American Girl Doll. I’ve heard about dolls like you, but I never thought I would meet one in person. You’re as beautiful as the legend says you are. May I touch you?”

“No, you may not,” Jeongguk swiped Maricela’s hand away. “Can’t you see he’s had a difficult journey? He doesn’t even know where he is for God’s sake. Let him breathe,” Jeongguk scolded. “Molly, may I borrow your tea set?”

“Of course. Of course,” Molly stared at Jimin. 

Even though Molly was the oldest of the crew, Jimin’s unique construction even predated her. The quality of his beechwood was unprecedented, material that could not be found in modern times. He was a figurine in the image of dolls from the early 1800’s. She wondered openly how he had come to arrive at such a place. A doll like him was certainly worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not more.  She was pleased to see Jeongguk’s interest in him. Clearly no one understood his value, otherwise he would not have landed in the bin with the rest of them.

Jeongguk fixed Jimin a cup of tea. They sat at the table near Molly’s kitchen and began to talk. Both of them had questions for the other, but it was Jeongguk who needed to answer first.

“We are a collection of dolls that live here in this barrel. All of us were donated at one point or another. We sit here year after year waiting to be adopted for Christmas. Santa does his best to match us with children who want dolls like us. He’s not always successful. Over the years, we’ve watched as some of us have been adopted and others have not. Beautiful Molly over there has been here the longest. I’ve been here for…a few weeks I guess. I’m not exactly sure. Some say this barrel is magical, giving us the ability to talk and think and react. Others say we’ve always had that ability but never been free to express it amongst humans. I don’t know what I believe, honestly.”

“A barrel? We’re in some kind of a barrel?” Jiminie asked as he sipped his tea from the Odoria miniature porcelain tea set. “I must get out of here. I don’t belong here. My father must be hysterical with panic.”

“What happened? How did you get here? Do you remember anything?” Jeongguk asked.

“No…nothing. Everything is fuzzy. I only remember falling and landing and looking up to see…you.”

Jeongguk thought about the possibilities, “Someone must have donated you.”

“No. That’s impossible. My father would never let me go. He would never allow me to leave his side. There’s been a mistake. I don’t belong here. I have to get back home.” Jiminie said in a panic. “I need to speak with…whoever is in charge.”

“In charge? Well that would be the Christmas elves. They look after us year round. But during Christmas, they get busy and we’re left mostly with the intern elves. They do their best, but they’re definitely lacking in customer service,” Jeongguk laughed.

“Fine,” Jimin stood to his feet, “then I need to speak to the intern elves. How do I summon them? HELLO! HELLO, INTERN ELVES? I DEMAND TO SEE MR. CLAUSE AT ONCE! THERE’S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE MADE HERE! HELLO?” Jimin yelled towards the top of the barrel, hoping to get a response. 

“Jiminie, hold on a second. That’s not exactly how that works,” Jeongguk tried to explain.

‘Sure it is, I just need to yell louder. HELLO INTERN ELVES!” Jimin yelled as loudly as his wooden chest would allow. He strutted barefoot with his beechwood toes kicking up the coppery dust. The sequence of his borrowed shirt glimmered each time he passed the light. “HELLO, MY NAME IS PARK JIMIN, REGISTRATION NUMBER 00000101395. I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH SANTA STRAIGHT AWAY!”

The other dolls in the barrel lowered their heads. No one had the bravery to tell him that Santa would not be coming to converse with him.

It was up to Jeongguk, the newest resident, to explain how things worked, “Jiminie, Santa isn’t coming. He’s not going to talk to you about a mistake because there is no mistake. We are toys who have been donated. Once you come through the chute, that’s the end. You belong to the thrift shop. There is no way to track down your originations. We aren’t like the new toys. We don’t have rights or warranties or web addresses. We don’t even have a voice. Our only hope is for Santa to find us a match in the real world - a child who asks specifically for dolls with our specs.”

Jimin wasn’t accepting of Jeongguk’s news. He continued to pace around the barrel, thinking of a way out. “No. I don’t believe that. I don’t believe there is no way out.”

“There is a way out, I already told you, Santa has to find a match; a child who wants us. He’s working hard on it. Many of us get out of here and find new homes. It’s not over, you just have to have hope that your name will be called. I’m sure that a beechwood like you will be snapped up right away. We still have time before Christmas, at least I think we do. Enough of this. Let’s find a comfortable place  for you to sleep. You can share my tent. I sleep over there, near Molly’s house. There’s plenty of room for two.” Jeongguk lightly touched Jimin’s shoulder.

“No need. I won’t be here long.” Jimin resumed his calls for Santa. 

He walked around the chute deposit, calling for someone, anyone from the elf crew, to acknowledge him. The other dolls looked on, eager for him to accept his fate and be quiet, just as they had done. Even Maricella tried to talk sense into him, but he insisted on continuing. His fruitless calls lasted for two days until the reality finally set in that no one was coming.

Jeongguk didn’t leave his side. He was worried about him. Never had a doll revolted so violently against being tossed in the barrel. Jiminie was a unique case, a creature of completely different ilk. Jeongguk found him intriguing and very - attractive. Despite bargaining with him over and over, Jiminie just wouldn’t listen. In fact, he was far from giving up. When demanding a meeting with Santa failed, he resorted to writing strongly worded letters. 

Day after day, he wrote letters to the Christma elves, to Santa, to the President, to BTS, and even to the Supreme Court. In every letter he explained his situation and why he should be released. He left the letters in various locations, hoping that the elves would find them when they came to do their well visits. But after one full week of writing several letters per day, he found them all untouched. 

Jeongguk’s heart broke for him. He wanted to help, but there wasn’t much he could do. He decided that his only option was to welcome Jiminie to his home again and help him get comfortable. 

Reluctantly, Jiminie gave up his bid to speak to the elves. He decided that if he was going to get out, he had to find another way to do it. He accepted Jeongguk’s offer to share a tent but reminded him that the arrangement was just temporary until he could leave for good.

“Thank you for caring. Not too many of the residents here seem to like me very much,” Jiminie explained.

“No. That’s not true at all. They just…have never met anyone like you.” Jeongguk led him to a small purple tent with a couple of sleeping bags inside. “Come. This is my place. It isn’t much, but it’s safely away from the chute deposit. Molly’s kitchen is just a few steps away and she always has warm tea. And I can have a little privacy when this community becomes too much,” Jeongguk explained. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. Maybe we can work together to figure out how to get you out of here.”

“Wait, you don’t think I’m crazy for trying to get out?”

“Not at all. I think you’re brave. And very cute,” Jeongguk blushed.

***

It took a couple of weeks but Jiminie finally settled down. Still unaccepting of his capture, he continued to plot late at night for ways to get the elve’s attention. Jiminie did his best to fit in, but nothing calmed him - nothing except Jeongguk. Week after week, day after day, he found himself more and more smitten with the motorcycle doll. Even though he had never actually seen his face because of his motorcycle helmet, he knew him to be a kind soul with a soft caring voice. Had it not been for Jeongguk’s friendship, he would have gone stir crazy. For the first few weeks of Jimin’s arrival, they would lay inside of Jeongguk’s tent, talking through the different plans in Jiminie’s head. Jeongguk always listened and always contributed, even though he knew that none of Jiminie’s plans would work.

***

 

Time ticked on. The dark barrel didn’t have windows so Jiminie couldn’t even watch the snow. Everything inside of there was bleak, depressing and dull. After four weeks, he was starting to lose hope but Jeongguk did everything possible to keep him motivated.

Jeongguk served Jimin another cup of tea. He smiled happily, “It’s just a few days before Christmas, I think.”

“You think? Is there no way to keep track of time here?” Jiminie asked.

Tiana was always our time keeper but she went missing the day before you arrived.”

“Gone missing?” Jimin sat up. He found that curious. “But you said there was no way out. How could one of the dolls go missing?” He questioned.

“It’s a long story based on a horny potato. The intern elves are investigating her disappearance, but no one really knows what happened to her. No one except Mildred.”

“Mildred? Who’s Mildred?” Jimin asked. His circumstances were growing odder by the minute.

“The wife of Mr. Potato Head. She caught her husband Ralph and Tiana in a compromising position,” Jeongguk raised his hand and whispered into Jimin’s ear, “They say the two have been having an affair.”

“An affair? In this place? How is that even possible?”

“I guess it isn’t, because he got caught. His wife is the only one who knows what happened. Ralph was interrogated by the intern elves when his injuries were treated.”

“Injuries?”

“Not pretty. When Mildred was done with him, he was torn to pieces.”

“And this all happened here, inside of this barrel?”

“Yes.”

“With no witnesses?” Jimin looked around. “I can’t help but notice the place is pretty open. There aren’t many walls.”

“It happened over in Legoland. It’s a pretty sketchy part of town. It’s still part of the barrel community, just over on the other side. Not too many of us hang out over there. There are some bad apples in the bunch that live in Legoland. There’s even a Voldemort plushie and a couple of Slytherin pine woods. Creepy place,” Jeongguk shivered. 

Jimin still couldn’t understand. The entire setup sounded ridiculous, “So you segregate yourselves into cities?”

“Something like that. The like minded of similar make and model tend to huddle together. For example, see the Barbie dream house over there?”

“The one that looks more like a crackhouse than a dreamhouse? Yea, I see it. Why is it broken down and in need of repair?”

“Because its owners didn’t care for it well. That’s the main reason it’s here in the barrel because no one wants a dream house that looks like a house of horror,” Jeongguk laughed. “Anyway…neither Barbie nor GI Joe actually live there. No one would ever drop them in the barrel no matter how old they are. But all of her relatives are not so lucky. After all, what kid wants a Skipper doll of a Stacie or Chelsea ? Those are all of Barbie’s younger siblings and they’re not at all popular,” Jeongguk explained, “Margaret and George are Barbie’s parents. Her best friends Teresa and Nicki live there too. Everyone wants Barbie and Ken. No one wants her little sisters and her parents. And that’s how they ended up here.”

“That’s so sad. But wait, aren’t you from the Barbie line as well? You’re ABS too, yes?” Jimin asked as he settled in to take a good look at his new friend Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk was unsettled, “Well…technically yes. I’m from the same Acylonitrile-butadiene-styrene family as all of the other Mattels…but I’m different. Different from the rest of them…the original Barbie clan.” 

Jimin pondered, “Different how?” He took several moments to observe Jeongguk’s wardrobe. The doll was rather handsome, about twelve inches tall. He was clad in dark leather with a black helmet, black leather boots, and a leather vest that said Harley Davidson on the back. The theme admittedly was a bit darker than the typical Barbie lore.

“I’m a special edition collectors item that no one really wanted to collect. The whole motorcycle riding bad guy image just didn’t mesh with the rest of the pink Barbie crowd. I was shunned and due to low sales, they stopped manufacturing me. I wasn’t “kid friendly” they said. The only people who wanted me were middle aged men who had unhealthy attachments to the Harley Davidson brand. So even though I’m technically ABS, one of the Barbies, I’ve never been accepted over there,” Jeongguk said sadly.

“You’re in excellent condition. Unlike the other dolls in here, you look new, straight out of the box. How did a doll of your caliber get donated?” Jimin questioned.

“My owner adored me. He kept me in my original box with my original motorcycle. I never even breathed regular air until the day I was ripped from the box. But something happened to him. One day, scores of people that I had never seen before suddenly showed up at his house. They rummaged through his belongings and found me sitting on the shelf in his Harley Davidson room. I looked around for him, but…,” Jeongguk dropped his head. “I could barely hear their voices through my box, but it sounded as if…he died. Well after that, there was no one to love me or appreciate me. Even as a collectible, I doubt I’m worth very much, so I ended up here. Sad really.”

“Jeongguk, that’s a terrible story. But I think you’re very wrong about your value. If my recollection is accurate, you’re a rare breed, just as rare as I am…but in a different way. Only one-hundred of you were ever made. Whoever tossed you in a donation barrel was an uncultured swine who understood nothing about the figurine world. I would imagine, you’re quite valuable indeed,” he smiled. Jiminie’s back housed special hinges that allowed him to bend at the waist. With his right, poseable arm, he lifted it to Jeongguk’s shoulder as an act of reassurance.

“I’ve never met someone so smart and knowledgeable. But, you’re just a doll…like me. How do you know so much about other dolls?”

“Ah,” Jimin smiled. The freely moving connecting rods lifted his clunky legs and flat feet. His exterior sat within a bulging torso where several elaborate hinges were connected beneath his beechwood construction. None of his movements were fluid, but rather segmented. The others stared as he worked his heavy beechwood body into a crossed leg position that appeared wildly uncomfortable. He continued with a light hearted tone, “My father is a doll maker. He worked for all of the bigs…Arman Marseille, Battat Inc., Hildegard Gunzel - even Mattel. He worked for Mattel for almost twenty years. But after spending half of his life in the doll making industry, he grew weary. Quality no longer meant anything to any of the manufacturers. Instead of being hand sculpted, and crafted from real materials, everything was tossed on an assembly line with cheap plastic molds. The dolls of the new era became just money making articles. No one loved them anymore. My father had enough. He quit, even though he made a very hefty salary as an executive, he wanted to get back to the art of doll making. And that’s when he opened his own little shop and began making customer Koren dolls all constructed of beechwood. Well not all…some of my brothers and sisters are made of pine, even oak. He’s a very skilled doll maker who taught me everything there is to know about dolls - all toys really,” Jimin said proudly.

“You’re so lucky to have an owner who taught you things. Everything I know about the world came from eavesdropping on my owner’s conversations. I watched quite a bit of television so I saw the news and game shows. I even saw a bit of what humans call porn. My clear see-through box was on the shelf, directly across from the television. Mr. Kim watched alot of porn…day and night. I learned so much about how humans have sex. They moan alot while doing it and it can get messy. Luckily their skin is easily washable. For a doll that could be a life-ending mess,” Jeongguk went off topic. 

“I know of porn. Some of the older beechwoods in my father’s shop have told me stories. I’ve never seen it for myself though,” Jimin shrugged. “My father didn’t allow me to be exposed to that kind of stuff.”

“My owner didn’t seem to care. He never talked to me about life. I only know…what I know,” Jeongguk was reflective. “I miss him though. He was good to me and kept me safe and happy.”

“It’s not his fault that he didn’t teach you. He didn’t know it was possible. Most humans have no idea of the magic that lives within us. They think we are just objects with no cognitive function or feelings. My father has always said that dolls have souls, just like humans. He’s believed that since he was a young boy,” Jiminie sighed heavily. He was missing his father very much.

“You’ll never convince me that these new dolls nowadays have souls. They’re just a bunch of computers with no home training,” Jeongguk said with irritation as he watched the group of lithium ion battery powered walking robots roam near the busted easy-bake-ovens. 

“You may be right about that. Father says that once we started adding computer chips and processors to dolls, they stopped having souls and just became computers.” Jiminie held Jeongguk’s hand. “Jeongguk, may I see you without the helmet?”

“Without my helmet? Sure.” Jeongguk unstrapped his chin strap and quickly removed his helmet. His long black hair, rich with silky waves, fell to his shoulders in soft clumps. His hair was a combination of saran and kanekalon, a high quality synthetic material that was signature for quality Mattel models.

Jiminie’s fingers did not bend. It was a pity because otherwise, he would have smoothed them through Jeongguk’s fluffy attractive hair. “My God, Jeongguk. You’re a treasure. An absolute treasure. You come from the days when people did care. I can tell by how you’re constructed…you were loved. Each of your hair follicles was hand sewn into your skin.” Jiminie tugged at Jeongguk’s hair strands to carefully examine each root. “Extraordinary,”

“I don’t feel extraordinary. I feel…unwanted,” Jeongguk said sadly.

 I just don’t understand how you ended up here. You’re much too beautiful to be left to rot in this place.” 

Jeongguk’s head snapped up, “Beautiful? You think I’m beautiful?”

“The most. I’ve seen alot of dolls in my lifetime and you’re the prettiest of them all. I hope to one day marry a doll who looks just like you,” Jimin meant every word.

 The plastic areas just below Jeongguk’s eyes were suddenly damp. He quickly pushed his helmet down over his head to keep Jimin from seeing his doll tears. 

“Why do you just sit here day after day waiting for a moment that may never come? Why don’t you fight back? Why don’t you break out of here? At least you’ll be on your own and not stuck in this…prison.” For lack of a better word, it was the only way that Jimin knew to describe their accommodations.

“Jiminie, you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” Jeongguk tried to make Jiminie understand, “This barrel that we’re in, it’s a recycled military barrel that once housed explosives and ammunition. The walls are six inches thick and built to contain accidental explosions. This place is so big that we don’t even know how many dolls are in here. The elves have us logged and cataloged but that’s about it. There is only one way in and one way out and it’s through that chute. Once that chute closes, that’s it. There is no way out!” Jeongguk raised his voice. 

“Oh yea?” Jiminie said devilishly. He lowered his voice and whispered into Jeongguk’s fluffy hair, “So if there is only one way in, and only one way out, tell me how Mildred Potato Head was able to make Tiana go missing? You said it yourself, even the elves searched for her and couldn’t find her. Do you know what that means?” He asked the question again. 

“No. Not really.”

“It means that Mildred knows more than just one secret. Not only does she know what happened to Tiana, but she also knows how to get in and out of here without getting caught.” Jiminie’s wooden eyes sharpened.

“Wait a minute. Are you…are you thinking about trying to escape? It’ll never work.”

“I’m not like these other dolls in here. I will never accept this as my fate, it’s just not how I was constructed.” Jiminie wiggled his hips causing his leather pants to fall to his knees, once again revealing his rosy beechwood figure. His sequenced shirt glittered against the light as he reached down stiffly to pull them up. “There is a way out of here and it doesn’t depend on Santa brainwashing some little kid into taking us home.”

“You can’t be serious!” Jeongguk was exhausted. Jiminie was the most stubborn doll he’d ever met.

 “I’m very serious. Now, where do the Potato Heads live?”

“In the potato village of course. It’s too far to walk, but we can take my motorcycle.”

“Motorcycle? You still have it?”

“Yea, it’s parked behind the Barbie dreamhouse. Do you really think that Mildred has the key to your escape?”

“I do.”

“Hop on,” Jeongguk winked. “If we’re going to break you out of here, we need to do it soon.”

Even though Jimin’s legs were fully bendable, bending them and then throwing them over the seat of a motorcycle were completely different things. As it were, Jeongguk had to help prop him in the pillion seat to get him on. He listed gently forward, leaning into Jeongguk as he steered. The end result was Jimin wrapping his heavy wooden arms around Jeongguk’s thin plastic waist.

 Jeongguk was not used to having a passenger. The motorcycle slipped and slid under their weight until he got the hang of balancing them both. As a pure beechwood model, Jimin was quite heavy, probably 80 grams heavier than Jeongguk. The sturdy little motorcycle carried both of their weight, trollying them all the way to the village.

***

 

The ride over to potato village took just under thirteen minutes. Jeongguk’s battery powered motorcycle didn’t have any of the vroom of a real motorcycle, but he looked the part of a gorgeous Harleyman and that was good enough. He parked his motorcycle a few yards away from the front of the Potato heads home before dismounting. Once again he removed his helmet, causing his high quality locks to settle around the back of his neck in silky clumps.

 

The Potato Head house consisted of one room with a front door and no back door. Much like the barrel they lived in, there was only one way in and one way out. The windows were made of plastic allowing passersby to see clear through to the back. 

As Jimin and Jeongguk approached, they could see Mildred sitting in a rocking chair, knitting a potato shaped hat. Her lips and teeth were still gone, eliminating her ability to speak. No matter what the elves promised her for telling them the truth, she refused to break her silence. A month had passed and Tiana was still missing. Only Mildred knew where she was located.

“Do you know her?” Jimin whispered outside of the window.

“No, not really. I mean we spoke when I was first dropped into the barrel. She was curious about my motorcycle and how we had both survived the fall. But other than that, I haven’t really spoken to her.”

“That’s good enough. Will you introduce us?” Jiminie asked eagerly. 

“Of course. I’d do anything for the custom antique doll who thinks I’m beautiful.” Jeongguk’s plastic stretched into a smile. For the first time Jiminie could see his teeth. They were overly white with small pieces of cloth embedded in the gums, remnants of his helmet. 

Jiminie used his unbending fingers to pluck the remnants away. With each staccato movement, he plucked individual strands of helmet fiber from Jeongguk’s mouth. “And I meant every word. You are stunningly beautiful.”

He used his flattened hands to smooth down his beechwood feathered hair. His hair was molded and carved out of wood, therefore it was never out of place. Still Jiminie patted it down in an attempt at grooming. He was not used to wearing clothes and the sequined shirt felt strange against his grain. With a few tugs, he straightened the silk pink tie and made sure that his leather pants were sturdy and not likely to fall off during their conversation. He didn’t know how he was going to get through to Mildred. But he had to try. 

“Ready?” Jeongguk asked.

“Ready,” Jimin confirmed.

“Wait…before we go in. What exactly are we trying to do here?”

“Get her to talk.”

“Mmhm. But she has no lips…or teeth,” Jeongguk reminded him.

“That doesn’t mean she can’t give us information. There is another way out of this hell hole and Mildred is our key to finding it. We can do this, beautiful. We can.”

Jeongguk’s plastic cheeks burned a dark hue of pink. He really liked being called beautiful. “Ok. It’s worth a shot.”

Jeongguk knocked on the door, even though it was already open and falling off its hinges. Mildred looked up. Her eyes fixed upon Jeongguk and then wandered to Jimin. She stood to her feet, and walked forward to open the door.

Without lips or teeth, there wasn’t much she could say. So she stood by the door and listened.

“I hope you don’t mind me coming unannounced,” Jeongguk bowed. “This is my friend Jimin. Mrs. Potato Head, we need to speak with you. It’s urgent…potentially,” Jeongguk made a great first impression. He gave no indication that he wanted to speak with her regarding the missing Tiana matter. That allowed her to let her guard down. He continued, “This is my friend Jimin. He’s new here. Just arrived last month. We’re here because of him. He needs…help.”

Mrs. Potato Head’s thick eyebrows tilted inwards. She took a good look at Jimin. With her gloved white hand, she touched his cheek, gently lifting it so she could admire the intricate carving of his shapely neck. Her eyes were large and unblinking, but there was no expression that gave Jimin any indication of what she was thinking. She looked back at Jeongguk as if to ask,“what do you want?”

“I’m sure you’re wondering what we could possibly want,” Jimin said.

“She stepped back to invite them inside.”

Jimin and Jeongguk looked around. She appeared to be alone. It was Jimin’s preference because he didn’t want anyone interrupting their discussion. He wasted no time getting directly into it.

As soon as she sat down, Jimin dropped to one knee and gently held her hand within his silky smooth beechwood one. “I’m not here to invade your privacy. My visit has nothing to do with your personal matters. You are a family of legacy and I have nothing but respect for you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but it isn’t my concern and I will not pry. You have my word. But I do need something from you. I believe you are the only one who can help me,” Jimin said solidly.

Mrs. Potato Head stared at him. She gestured with her hand as if to say, “Go on…,”

“I believe that you know how to escape this place. Jeongguk tells me that somehow you managed to make someone go missing and despite a frantic search, no one has been able to find them. Please nod if I’m correct.”

Mrs. Potato head thought carefully. She was wary of a set up.  Could this new exquisite doll that she’d never seen before possibly have an ulterior motive for asking her these questions? Was he secretly working for the elves? He didn’t look like a spy. Nor did he act like one. She pondered before finally nodding her ridiculously large head. 

Grabbing a Mr. Potato Head coloring book, she scribbled a simple question on the bottom of the page in crayon. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I’m going to escape.” Jimin leaned forward and whispered, “I don’t belong here. My father needs me. My father misses me. There is no way that he allowed me to be captured and abandoned here. I imagine that none of us belong here, but I seem to be the only one who’s willing to risk it all to get out. The rest of them…they’re content to wait for some kid to come and claim them for Christmas. A crazy wish that will never happen,” Jimin said passionately. He squeezed her white gloved hand even tighter as he implored her to tell him what she knew. 

 

After a few moments of silence and deep contemplation, Mrs. Potato Head agreed to cooperate. She walked to the front window to make sure that none of the elves were lurking. A large hatch above them was sealed shut. Within a flash she scurried over to the corner of her plastic framed house and climbed up to the ceiling. After several minutes of searching, she emerged with a large trunk. 

Curiosity drew Jeongguk closer. Everything that was happening was unprecedented. Never had anyone engaged the Potato Head clan in such a fashion. No one knew anything about them. They were a complete mystery, yet, Mildred was poised to reveal a great secret to the newcomer Jimin; a secret that no one knew. Not even Molly had information on how to sneak out of the barrel. 

They watched. Mildred opened the trunk and began sorting through a pile of plastic body parts. She searched and searched until she found a suitable pair of mauve colored lips with corresponding white teeth. With three snaps, she attached them to her face, transforming her once eerily blithe expression into a warm, pleasant visage.

For the first time since the incident with Tiana, Mildred spoke, “Are you working for the elves?”

“I’m not. I’m not. You have my word,” Jimin explained to her.

“Jeongguk. Is that your name?”Mildred asked.

“Yes, uh yes that’s me,” the handsome Mattel doll stepped forward. 

“Can you vouch for him? Is he with the elves?”

“No Mrs. Potato head. He just arrived a few weeks ago. The elves refused to see him, even though he summoned them for over a week. He just wants to get out and he has it stuck in his head that you know how to do just that - get out.”

Mrs. Potato Head rubbed her gloved hand along Jimin’s face. She admired his intricate and delicate carving and the craftsmanship of his wood. He was indeed a specimen from far away. She agreed that he didn’t belong here. It was not Jimin’s words that convinced her to help him, it was his rare beauty. No doll of that antiquity could lie.

Mildred confessed, “He’s right. I do know how to get out.”

“I knew it!” Jimin said joyfully. “Tell me please. I have to go now before the elves return. I have to get back to my father.”

“I will tell you what I know. But first, I need to tell you something about me and my family,” she picked up her knitting needles and continued working on her hat of yarn. “Me and Ralph, my husband, have been in this place for twenty-two years. Just like the others, we were hopeful at first. We were convinced that a child would want us and we would be called to the sleigh on Christmas night. But week after week, year after year, heartbreaking Christmas after heartbreaking Christmas, that hope subsided. The truth is, the older dolls in this place will never find a home because the older we get, the less we’re wanted. We had all but given up until five years ago when I was called to the sleigh. Oh, you can’t imagine how happy I was. Ralph and I bundled up with our hats and new gloves, coats and scarves only to find that Ralph was not wanted. The child who asked for us, only asked for me, not Ralph. Well of course I refused to leave him. Even though it was potentially my only chance for a new home, I couldn’t leave my beloved husband. I chose to stay. It was at that moment where I realized that I would never leave this place. Ralph and I moved into this house and we reserved ourselves to live here forever.”

“You had a chance to leave…and you didn’t take it?” Jeongguk was incensed. He couldn’t understand how anyone could refuse a chance to be rehomed by Santa. 

“You’ve never been in love, have you Jeongguk? When you fall in love, come back and we’ll talk. Only then will you understand. I couldn’t leave Ralph. I just couldn’t.”

“So that’s why the incident,” Jimin cleared his throat. He was on shaky ground and he knew it. He treaded lightly, “...the incident with Tiana made you so angry?”

“That Tiana. Always bouncing around here like she’s the queen of the bayou. Well I’ve got news for her, this ain’t the swamp and Ralph is no Prince Naveen. He’s a fifty year old potato from Idaho. Why she set her sights on him, I’ll never understand.”

“I fear you are giving me too much personal information. I don’t need to know the details of the er-um-uh incident,” Jiminie said delicately.

“Oh but you do. It’s all germain to the story.” Mrs. Potato head placed her knitting down by the foot of her rocking chair. “I found them, carrying on near the shopping center in Lego land. I don’t blame Ralph. He’s an old man who craves attention, especially from a  young Princess. But that Tiana, she knew exactly what she was doing.” 

“What do you mean you don’t blame Ralph. It takes two to canoodle,” Jeongguk crossed his arms. He was much too invested in the story. “He needs to own up to his part in this.”

“Jeongguk, please. I don’t think Mrs. Potato head wants to go into all of those details.”

“Oh…don’t you worry, I ain’t letting Ralph off the hook either,” Mrs. Potato head assured Jeongguk.

Jimin attempted to course correct, “Can you please just tell me how you got her out…I mean how you got out?”

“The lego K-mart is a very old building. It’s been there since before me and Ralph arrived. It’s never been moved or cleaned or anything. Although the elves are very good about making sure the outer structure is in good form to protect us from rain and the elements and animals and such; no one ever pays attention to the ground. Do you see all of this rust everywhere Jiminie?”

Jiminie looked down. Mildred was correct. It was something that Jiminie had noticed as soon as he arrived but never given much thought, the ground was covered in rust. The entire structure was metal and the bottom was decaying right under their feet. 

Mildred’s artificial smile was a bit creepy considering what she was admitting to, “I’m not proud of what I did…,”

“Stop. I don’t need to hear it…,” Jiminie interrupted.

Jeongguk snapped forward and sat down with his chin resting on his palm, “Well I do. What did you do? Rumor has it that Mr. Potato Head was found…in pieces.” He gasped for dramatic effect.

Mrs. Potato Head laughed, “Oh Ralph’s fine. Every piece that I ripped off of him was deserved. He’s staying with his brother Spud until I have a chance to cool off. Besides, we keep spare parts in this trunk here. We keep it hidden for occasions just like this. When he’s ready to apologize, I’ll give him his parts back. In the meantime, he can just suffer,” she crossed her arms and seethed. 

“And what about the escape route? I assume it has something to do with the decaying floor? You found a cave or a hole of some sort?” Jiminie asked.

Mildred explained, “Behind the Lego K-mart, most of the ground has eroded away. These barrels are from the fifties. It’s a miracle that they’re still standing. The erosion has created a small hole that’s barely visible, especially in the dark. When I saw Tiana and Ralph kissing, I was so angry that I-I-I…,”

“You what?” Jeongguk’s glass eyes sparkled with nosiness.

“I popped off my teeth and used them to dig through the thin rust panel in the bottom of the barrel. I created a hole and dug a tunnel to the outside. I was so angry. I grabbed Tiana by her fancy little Princess gown and shoved her through the hole. She fought and screamed but I overpowered her and shoved her right outside. Just as she was about to climb back in, a human came along and picked her up from the ground. He disappeared with her. I tried to stop him, I tried to get through the hole to grab her and bring her back, but I was too big.”

“I think your weight is fine. No one wants a skinny potato,” Jeongguk said, completely inappropriately given the situation.

“She’s gone? She was taken?” Jimin asked, suddenly interested in Mildred’s story.

“Yes. That’s why no one can find her. I guess the human thought she had value because he smiled when she saw her. He picked her up right away and that’s the last time I saw Tiana,” Mildred explained. Mildred was scared. Her voice trembled as she explained what happened. 

“And you think that somehow this is your fault?” Jimin questioned.

Mildred nodded, “It is my fault. If I hadn’t lost my temper and shoved her through that hole, she would still be here today.”

“Did it ever occur to you that the person who took her, wanted her. I mean it is a few days before Christmas. If they didn’t want her, they would have just sent her back through the chute,” Jimin theorized.

Mildred smiled. It was a thought she had never considered. “You mean, I didn’t get her killed?”

“Doubtful. She’s probably somewhere living her best life,” Jiminie added.

“Whore. Doesn’t deserve it after trying to steal your husband,” Jeongguk added unhelpfully.

Mildred refocused again, “In summary. Your answer is in Legoland. There’s a large hole covered with rust and dirt. I tried to hide my deeds after it all happened but it’s still there. I’m too big to squeeze through, but you…you my friend will fit with no problem. Get there, out of sight of the elves, and you’ll find your freedom.”

“But Jeongguk, didn’t you say that Legoland is somewhat dangerous?” Jimin asked.

“It is very dangerous. The only reason that I was over there was because I was looking for Ralph. But if you two go together, you’ll be fine. You can do it, Jiminie. You can get back home to your father,” Mildred said with encouragement.

“Thank you Mrs. Potato head. I promise to keep everything said here confidential. Thank you for trusting me enough to help me,” Jimin kissed her gloved hand and bowed again.

Mildred spoke sternly to Jeongguk, “Take care of him Jeongguk. Don’t let him out of your sight. You have to understand that this is not just any doll. Whoever his craftsman is, he spared no expense in his creation. Most won’t understand him or why he is so valuable, but some will. Those who appreciate his value will do anything to capture him, even if it means destroying him. I’ve seen it many times. Protect him.”

“Yes. I-I will. I won’t leave him. I’ll help him get out,” Jeongguk promised. 

For Jeongguk, Mildred’s words of wisdom were terrifying. But for Jimin, they were expected. Every word she said was true. He alone understood his true value and the bounty that would be placed upon his head if anyone discovered him. He had to get back home to his father. It was the only way to save his own life.”

***

Jimin and Jeongguk rushed from Mildred’s house fully focused on reaching Legoland. But there was a problem. Tiana was still missing which meant the elves were in a tizzy trying to locate her.

The situation was serious because the Christmas elves never made appearances during the Christmas season. They were always too busy putting together gifts for the children of the world. Typically only the intern elves cared for the doll population during the holiday season.

By the time Jimin and Jeongguk reached Molly’s house, there were no less than six elves standing below the chute deposit interviewing each of the dolls. Another ten intern elves were busy searching the barrel yet again, looking for Tiana.

It was at that moment that Jimin and Jeongguk realized how little the elves knew about what really happened during the Potato Head incident. The lead elf was a tall gentle one named Kim Namjoon. He was Santa’s right-hand elf and he was very powerful. Namjoon was one-hundred and five years old and had been the lead elf in Christmas city for over seventy years. He still looked like an elf of thirty which added to his ability to relate to even the youngest dolls in the city. He and his staff did their best to care for the dolls, despite their full time year round job of preparing gifts for Santa. Even though Jeongguk was new to the barrel, he knew Kim Namjoon.

Namjoon’s presence was more evidence of how seriously the North Pole was taking the situation. Jeongguk slowed his motorcycle to a creep as they came upon the scene. Namjoon was quick to approach them. “Jeongguk, nice to see you again. And you must be 0000101395? Park Jimin, I think is your human name? You were delivered to our facility a few weeks ago.”

“Yes. I’m Jiminie,” Jimin confirmed.

“Welcome to the North Pole. You’re in Christmas City. Sorry that we had to meet under such difficult circumstances. But…welcome. Have you found accommodations, or do you need assistance?” Namjoon asked kindly.

“Assistance?” Jimin was confused. “Now that you mention it, I do need help. I don’t belong here. I was delivered here by mistake. I need your help with returning to my father.” Jimin’s wooden eyes opened wildly. His eyebrows furrowed and his silky wooden lips turned downwards into a frown.

Namjoon grimaced, “I - I don’t know who your father is. Everyone here, you included, is considered an orphaned doll. Meaning, you were anonymously dropped into the barrel through our main chute. We don’t know who dropped you here. No one has claimed you as part of their home and we don’t know where you came from. So we offer you a safe haven to live out your days until you are re-homed with a loving child. We opened this facility about one-hundred years ago to care for orphaned dolls. We don’t know anything about your past. We only work to secure your future. I’ve already completed your scans and written up a terrific description of you. You’re a beechwood, quite lovely. I’m sure a child will wish for you this year,” Namjoon tried to explain.

“You don't understand…,” Jimin argued.

Namjoon interrupted, “We can talk more about that later. But for right now, I have something urgent to discuss with you - both of you. We have a missing doll. Jeongguk, I'm sure you've met her. Her name is Tiana, you may know her as Princess Tiana from Princess and the frog. She’s quite valuable and we need to get her back. This place is impenetrable, so we know she’s here somewhere. We just don”t know where. Have either of you seen her? Any trace of her?"

“I just arrived. How would I know anything about a missing doll? I don’t even fully understand where I am. I can't be bothered to know where someone else is,” Jimin snapped. He was still angry over the elf not listening to his plight.

“I heard about her going missing. I haven't seen anything..! know nothing about it,” Jeongguk’s voice quivered. His lie was not convincing.

His odd response was suspicious to Namjoon, causing him to press harder for more information, “Are you absolutely sure you know nothing about this situation? Jeongguk I implore you, if you know anything, please tell us. Tiana could be in danger. We believe she was last seen in Legoland but we’ve searched the entire area multiple times. We found one of the green leaves from her gown .That’s how we knew she was there. There’s no other sign of her. Tell me Jeongguk, what do you know?” Namjoon glared into Jeongguk’s glass eyes.

Jimin didn’t trust that Jeongguk had the stomach to lie any further so intervened, “He said he's seen nothing. Besides, Jeongguk has been with me all day and most of the night. He’s been showing me around and trying to help me get comfortable for the last month. We haven’t seen Tiana. You have our word,” Jimin assured Namjoon that they had no useful information.

“Alright then,” Namjoon observed both of them carefully. “If you see anything or hear anything, tell one of the intern elves as soon as possible. You could be saving a life."

“Or she could be just fine and everyone is overreacting,” Jimin quipped. “Can we please discuss my release? I’m sure if we just…” Jimin started.

“There is no release! Jiminie, I’m sorry that you’ve ended up here. I know this is not exactly a luxury hotel. But the place is clean, safe and dry. You’ll make good friends here and soon you’ll come to think of this place as home. As much as you feel you have a right to buck the rules, that’s not the reality. You’re here now and you will remain here. Period. There is no alternative. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.” Namjoon turned his back to Jimin and spoke directly to Jeongguk, “Jeongguk, talk to your friend. Tell him that this place isn’t so bad.”

Jimin crossed his arms. His silky beechwood grain rustled against itself. He was more determined than ever to make his escape. But he couldn’t do it as long as the elves were present. There was something else that worried him. He gestured for Jeongguk to remove his helmet so that he could whisper to him.

“This is not good. They are doing everything possible to find Tiana. What if...what if they discover Mildred’s secret? We could lose our way out.”

“That would be very bad. Can we distract them?” Jeongguk asked.

“Not without looking very suspicious. I think it’s time for me to make a run for it. I can’t risk them finding the hole and filling it, destroying our chance for escape. I have to go now,” Jimin explained.

“Now? Are you insane? You can’t escape now, in the middle of the largest manhunt Christmas City has ever seen. Elves are everywhere. You’ll be discovered for sure,” Jeongguk went a little crazy. He was already nervous about the escape plan in general, but Jimin trying to escape through the exact hole where Tiana disappeared was an insane idea.

“What do we have to lose? It’s not like they can punish us. We’re dolls. We’ve already been sentenced to a life of mediocrity living in this place. They can’t do anything any worse to me. I’m willing to take the chance if it means getting back to my father. But...but I understand if you don’t want to help me. It’s dangerous and risky. You didn’t sign up for this. I will go alone if that’s what it takes.”

“I promised that I would protect you. I promised that I would get you safely to the hole. I don’t have anyone who loves me, but you do. If anyone deserves to get out of this place, it’s you. I will keep my promise.” Jeongguk's eyes widened. He double clutched the helmet under his arm as he pondered what the future would hold for him. “But if we're going to do this, we need help.”

“Help? From who? Who can we trust?” Jimin asked with concern.

“Hop on. I have an idea.”

***

Molly sat in her kitchen reading her copy of Good Housekeeping. She looked up when she heard the low crooning of Jeongguk’s motorcycle.

Jeongguk pulled Jimin along as they ran through Molly’s kitchen. Molly smiled and waved them in. She was very excited to see them again, “Where have you two been? You missed all of the excitement. Namjoon and his gang of pointy ears have been questioning all of the dolls. They even sat Voldemort down and made him answer questions. He kept shooting spells at them. I think he forgets that spells don’t work in this world.” Molly laughed hysterically. “This situation with Tiana is really big,” Molly said as she sipped tea.

“Namjoon interrogated us. He wanted to know what we knew. We told him nothing of course,” Jeongguk said soundly.

“What do you mean you told him nothing? Of course you told him nothing. You don't know anything...right?” Molly asked with interest.

Jimin and Jeongguk glanced at each other. “Of course we don't know anything. But...we...uh... we want to help with the search. The elves are so protective, we know they won’t allow us to help, so we’re going to have to do it on our own.”

“Why do you want to get involved in this? It’s not safe. You should just sit this one out,” Molly looked at both of them.

“We would normally agree with you, except...well... Tiana was a friend of mine. I want to help find her,” Jeongguk lied.

“It’s been a month. You suddenly want to help search now? Jimin, are you in on this too? You don't even know Tiana?”

“I’m loyal to Jeongguk. He’s the only friend I have here so if it’s important to him then it's important to me. I’m going to tag along just to make sure he doesn't get hurt.”  Jimin didn't know exactly what to say but he followed Jeongguk’s lead.

Molly wasn’t buying it. “Ok you two. What the hell is going on here? You two know something, don't you?”

“Molly,” Jeongguk touched her large hand, “you’re my best friend. I need you to just trust me. The less you know, the better.”

“Less I know? What's going on?” Molly was beginning to worry. “Are you two in some kind of trouble?”

“No, of course not. Not yet anyway,” Jeongguk said evasively. “Molly, we need your help. Jimin here needs to get home. I think I've found a way to help him get home. But we can't go for it with all of the elves around. We need you to create a diversion?”

“A diversion? What kind of diversion? And what do you mean by helping him get home?” Molly was definitely in panic mode.

Jeongguk shook his head and began to pace, “Please Molly, we don't have much time. Just say yes.”

Molly took a look at Jimin and then stared at Jeongguk. In less than four weeks, the two had established some sort of connection that had Jeongguk willing to risk his life to help the beechwood beauty. It felt like maybe the two had crushes on each other?  Jeongguk had been in the barrel for over a month before Jimin arrived and he hadn’t connected with anyone the way he vibed with Jimin.

She could see in his handsome face that he was smitten with the beechwood. Her heart leapt at the mere thought of Jeongguk finding a mate. Whatever was happening between them, she approved. It was what Jeongguk deserved.

“You two like each other very much, don’t you?” Molly asked.

Jimin stepped forward, “I have lived many years and I have met every kind of doll there is. But I've never met anyone quite like Jeongguk. He’s tall, handsome, selfless, caring and most of all, he’s brave. So yes Molly. I like him very much.”

Jimin’s words were enough. She readily agreed, “Yes, sure. Whatever you need, I’ll help,” she said after careful consideration.

“Oh Thank you Molly!” Jeongguk ran to hug her neck.

“Get away from me you motorcycle brute, you’ll wrinkle my dress,” Molly teased.

Jeongguk spoke quickly, “Here’s what we need.” He pulled Jimin in close and the three of them huddled amidst frantic whispers. They met for an hour, discussing the plan and explaining to Molly what they needed.

***

Namjoon was exhausted. In the 48 hours since Tiana's disappearance, he'd had exactly two hours of restless sleep. He sat on the dusty floor and pulled his curly toe boots off in order to wiggle his toes and rest his feet. The bells jingled as he shook the rust from the soles of each of his green boots. His hat was askew, tilted over his left eye. His eyes were fatigued and shallow.

Even his dimples didn’t feel like dimpling. The typically joyous elf was not at all joyful. He walked over to the clown hut and called a quick meeting with the other Christmas elves. They needed a plan for breaking the news to Santa. Never had he lost a doll - never. His entire life had been dedicated to loving and protecting those dolls and for the first time he had failed.

After seventy years of being a Christmas elf, he was about to be fired. In the back of his mind, he wondered...where could an elf find a job in the North Pole? If he didn't work for Santa, what could he do? Elfing was all he knew. He could only speculate on how Santa would react once he heard the news.

As the elves huddled around Namjoon, their conversation was suddenly interrupted by a bevy of screams coming from Molly's kitchen.

Thinking that it could be related to the Tiana investigation, all six of the elves, including Namjoon ran towards the chute deposit to see what the commotion was about. The moment they saw it, Namjoon fell backwards. If the elf behind him hadn't caught him, he would have fallen clear to the ground.

 

Namjoon immediately covered his eyes and screamed, “MOLLY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Molly sauntered through the room. She was completely naked, sans her patent leather shoes and knee socks. Her anatomically incorrect cloth torso was three shades lighter than her plastic arms, legs and head. In the world of dolls, it was the filthiest kind of porn to ever exist. Molly paid no attention to the screams, gasps, and finger pointing. She felt beautiful and she owned the moment as she showed the younger girls how a real woman should look.

“Molly, I'm warning you. Put your dress back on right now,” Namjoon said from behind a fan of stretched fingers.

“I'm tired of that old dress. I want new clothes for Christmas this year. How can we ever expect to be adopted if we look old fashioned? I want a mini-skirt or...or...a pair of crocs. You know, stuff the kids wear these days,” Molly continued to strut around the room as if she had not a care in the world.

The clowns, who had never seen that much of a woman, all danced and jumped and cartwheeled. To their absolute joy, Molly refused to redress despite Namjoon’s demands.

“Molly what has gotten into you. You're the most logical, non problematic doll we have on the premises. Why are you acting like this?” Namjoon grabbed the deflated plastic couch and tried to cover Molly’s body with it. She had no breasts, no hips, no vagina, no curves to speak of whatsoever, yet it remained the filthiest bunch of porn that any of the dolls had ever seen. She continued to refuse Namjoon’s order to get dressed which left him no choice. He was going to have to take her down and force her to put some clothes on.

Molly was not a small doll. At twenty four inches she was almost as large as the elves. So when they decided to take her down, it was not without a fight. It took all ten of the elves plus Namjoon to contain her. She defiantly kicked and screamed, feigning outrage as she occupied Santa’s entire fleet of Christmas elves. In the midst of the struggle, she managed to grab Namjoon’s manifest with a list of all of the dolls that were housed in the barrel.

“Let me go. Give me a mini-skirt. I demand a pair of Ugg boots. At least find me a pair of Air Force Ones.” She hollered and screamed, drawing the entire crowd to the spectacle. Even Mrs. Potato Head arrived to see what all of the commotion was about. 

With a watchful eye, Molly anxiously waited for the two beautiful dolls to run to their motorcycle. Just as Jimin ran by, she discreetly rolled the manifest over to him. He grabbed it and stuffed it under his sequined shirt. 

Molly’s instructions were to keep the elves busy for at least ten minutes. That was the amount of time necessary for Jimin and Jeongguk to ride through Legoland and find the hidden tunnel without the elves following them.

Molly enjoyed tormenting the elves. In all of her years she had never felt so free. She continued to kick and scream, flailing her nude body all over the barrel. Namjoon and his crew were so preoccupied trying to contain Molly’s outburst that they never even noticed that two more of their dolls had suddenly gone missing.

***

Before the motorcycle even stopped, Jimin jumped off. He ran quickly as he recounted aloud the instructions that Mildred had given him on how to find the tunnel. He made his way around the Lego K-mart and walked ten paces south, just as she had directed. But when he arrived at the location where the tunnel should have been, it wasn’t there. There was nothing but a pile of cement. Someone had covered the hole. 

“Oh no. Oh no!” Jimin cried out.

“What? What is it?” It took Jeongguk a few seconds to catch up after parking the motorcycle.

“The hole, the tunnel. It’s all gone. The elves must have found it,” Jimin fell to his knee. His borrowed leather pants squelched against the friction of the rusty ground.

“Impossible. There’s no way the elves found this place. Otherwise they wouldn’t still be frantically fighting with Molly back there and searching for clues. We just, just have to look harder. Maybe we’re in the wrong spot.” 

Jimin covered his face with his hands. He didn’t know what it felt like to cry because he had never actually cried before. Hopelessness tormented him. The thought of living out the rest of his days in that dark, damp barrel killed all of his Christmas spirit. 

“JIMINIE! Look?” Jeongguk yelled.

“Whaaaa…?” Jimin could see it as well. “Is that…?”

“It is! Mildred’s teeth. That means the tunnel has to be around here somewhere. We just need to keep digging.”

“Do you remember? She said she used her teeth to break through the rusted floor. What if…,” Jimin sniffled. His salty tears were not good for his wood. “...what if the tunnel really is here, we just have to dig a little?”

“Let’s do it.” Jeongguk was already on the ground sorting through the pile of dirt and rust with his pliable plastic fingers. 

Jimin immediately began stabbing at the ground with Mildred’s plastic potato head teeth. Jeongguk was right. The tunnel was still there - somewhere, but with all of the commotion and searches of the area, the dust had once again covered the hole. They could feel the cool outside air leaking into the area where they dug. They were close to breaking through.

They worked hard, fully focused and that’s why they lost track of time. Molly had only given them a ten minute head start. After ten minutes, she stopped struggling and voluntarily put her clothes back on, believing that Jimin had made his escape. She had no way of knowing that he was still inside.

 Once they were done battling Molly, the elves were free to continue their search for Tiana. It was then that they realized that both Jimin and Jeongguk were now missing as well. 

 

The alarm once again sounded. However, this was not an alarm alerting of a new arrival. For the very first time, the Christmas City alarm was used for a purpose other than announcing a new arrival. This was an alarm alerting that two more dolls had gone missing. It was an unprecedented disaster; all hands on deck. The dolls had to be found. Jimin and Jeongguk were two of the most valuable dolls under Namjoon’s care. He had to find them or Santa would have his ass on a platter..

“Get over to Legoland. My gut tells me that they’re over there. It seems that’s where all of the trouble began. I told Santa years ago that we needed to clean up that neighborhood. All of the dolls in that area have gone rogue,” Namjoon complained. 

Jimin was the first to hear the heavy footsteps. “Someone is coming. It sounds like, like, like the elves,” he lowered his voice.

“I’m almost through. I can see the tunnel. Hurry Jiminie, dig faster,” Jeongguk implored him.

The footsteps grew closer and closer. They could hear Namjoon calling out orders to his entire elf team. “This way. I think I can hear them over there.”

If Jimin had a heartbeat, it would have been in his throat. If he was captured, he would surely never have another chance to escape, Namjoon would make sure of that. This was his only chance. 

Jeongguk jumped into the hole and with all of his force, he kicked his way through until the tunnel was revealed again. 

He grabbed Jimin by the arm,”Go beautiful one. GO NOW! You’re free. But here, you have to take this,” Jeongguk ran back to where he had parked his motorcycle.

“Take what? Take what, take what?” Jimin screamed as Namjoon as his elves drew closer.

Jeongguk lodged his motorcycle free and wheeled it quickly into the tunnel. “Take this. You will never get away on foot. You’re too small and they’re too big. They’ll find you, unless…unless you take my motorcycle.”

Jimin froze. “My God, no…no…I can’t take this. This is part of who you are. You were manufactured to have this with you at all times. I can’t take it.”

“You can and you will! NOW GO!” Jeongguk pushed Jimin hard onto the motorcycle. It barely fit through the tunnel that burrowed underneath the hull of the barrel, but with a few hearty heaves from Jeongguk, Jimin and the motorcycle made it through to the other side. 

Just as Jimin looked back, he could see the shadow of the elves descending upon Jeongguk. Without question, Jeongguk would be doomed to that terrible place forever. It wasn’t fair. In Jimin’s mind, it wasn’t fair that he could escape only because of Jeongguk’s help, but yet Jeongguk had to remain behind. It wasn’t fair. Without giving it a single second’s thought, he dropped the motorcycle and ran back to the hole. He stuck his hand in and screamed, “COME ON. I’M NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND!”

“What?” Jeongguk looked back and forth between the elves that were quickly approaching and Jimin. 

“YOU’RE COMING WITH ME. TAKE MY HAND!” Jimin screamed again. The fluffy clouds of snow went down his throat and up his nostrils as he yelled. “I CAN’T LEAVE YOU. YOU MEAN TOO MUCH TO ME!” Jimin yelled again. 

Jeongguk was hesitant. He didn’t know how to survive outside of the barrel or away from his owner’s shelf. He had never been alone without the care of someone else. Yet, something deep inside of him told him to trust Jimin. 

“Ok, I’ll go with you,” he said without giving it much more thought. But just as he grabbed Jimin’s hand to be pulled out, he felt a larger hand wrap around his ankle and pull in the opposite direction. It was one of the intern elves. They had him. 

“Oh no. I’ve been captured. I’m sorry Jiminie. I’m sorry. He’s got me.” Jeongguk faded away as the large elf inched him back inside.

“Not on my fucking watch. HOLD ON! DON’T LET GO OF MY HAND!” Jimin was a beechwood. A very strong, hand carved piece of artistry who was much more powerful than the average doll. He held on to Jeongguk’s hand and pulled even harder, ripping him from the grip of the elf who battled with him. 

The elf fell backwards, and immediately screamed for help, “Namjoon, sir. Over here. Over here. One of them is escaping through a-a-a-a tunnel of some sort. Namjoon!” The elf yelled over and over again, drawing the attention of even more elves as they gathered to try to thwart the escape. 

But it was too late. By the time the elf got back to his feet, Jimin had pulled Jeongguk clear of the tunnel. They both ran to the motorcycle and jumped on. 

Jeongguk managed to get the battery powered motorcycle to start as soon as Jimin was seated. Snow was falling rapidly, making it almost impossible to see. He wasn’t even sure which direction to go, but he knew he needed to take off. 

“Which way?” Jeongguk yelled.

“Just GO!” Jimin responded. 

 

Namjoon arrived seconds later and discovered the hole. In some ways, it was a relief. If the dolls were escaping the shabby establishment, surely Santa wouldn’t claim it was his fault. He immediately launched a recovery team to find the dolls and bring them back. The outside world was dangerous and full of people who wished them harm, for their own safety they needed to be back in the barrel. Never had any of the dolls tried to escape before. He wondered if that was also what happened to Tiana. He quickly ran towards his hut to dress in his coat and mittens. It was the chilliest day of the year, just two days before Christmas and he had to spend the night searching for escaped dolls. What would be the fate of Christmas if the elves couldn’t work? He feared for them all.

***

 

Jeongguk slipped and slid across the icy road that led away from the barrel. His motorcycle had trouble gaining full speed because the battery wasn’t accustomed to operating in such frigid temperatures. Still, they had a significant lead ahead of the elves who were undoubtedly searching for them.

Jeongguk was a fantastic motorcycle driver. He knew how to navigate over potholes, and around trees, and through dark alleyways. Jimin sat snug behind him, holding on to his waist and leaning into his back. Never had he been so relieved to have someone with him who he could trust. And Jeongguk had surely proven himself trustworthy and selfless, and so very bright. Jimin felt warm tingles within the striations of his woodgrain; feelings he had never felt before. 

“Uh, Jiminie, where exactly are we going?”

“I don’t really know. I don’t have GPS, do you?”

“No, of course not. I’m much too old of a model for that. Hmm, maybe we can find a map. Do you know where you’re from? The name of your city?”

“I live here, in Christmas city. But I don’t exactly know where.”

“Well, we need to keep going. Those elves are going to be here soon. I don’t think they’ll ever stop  searching for us. Santa’s orders. Sad really.”

“What is?”

“Namjoon is a great guy. He cares for us very well. Whenever we break a part, he fixes it. Whenever we need new clothing, he sews them for us. This system…it’s not his fault. From what I was told by Molly, Santa’s method for protecting unwanted toys existed long before Namjoon ever became the lead elf,” Jeongguk felt terrible about the entire situation.

***

 

Driving through the elements was difficult. The snow was falling even heavier, soaking through their clothes and settling on top of their heads. Jeongguk had never driven without his helmet before, but in the rush of the escape, he had left it inside of the barrel. 

“We need to figure out where we’re going. We don’t have much battery left,” Jeongguk warned.

“Ok, we better hide until we figure out our next move,” Jimin agreed.

Jeongguk stopped the motorcycle. The two of them walked into the icy white forest, climbing over fallen limbs and rolling around pine cones. The night was dark, but the full moon illuminated the snow, giving it a luminous icy glow. A large evergreen tree, at least 100 feet tall stood before them. There was a crack in the bark that led to a tiny cave-like opening. It was just quaint enough for two lost dolls on the run to take refuge. 

“This way,” Jimin said as he led them down the path. They used the lights from Jeongguk’s motorcycle to help them find their way inside. With great relief, they crawled into the belly of the Evergreen. It was dark and creepy inside, full of spiders. Definitely not a place for two priceless dolls, but they settled inside anyway because they knew it would keep them hidden from the elves.

Jeongguk was uneasy. He cuddled as closely to Jimin as possible. Together they sat inside of the tree, watching the heavy snowfall. Within seconds, Jeongguk’s motorcycle disappeared beneath the powdery dusting of snow flakes.

Jimin could sense Jeongguk’s angst. He put his arm around his shoulders and sweetly kissed the top of his head, “Don’t worry. We’ll be ok. Hold my hand.”

“I like holding your hand. Seems like we’ve done that alot lately,” Jeongguk giggled and covered his mouth.

Jimin took a moment to say what was on his heart, “Jeongguk, what you did back there, risking everything to help me escape…it was incredible. How will I ever thank you?”

“You don’t have to thank me. In fact, I think I have to thank you. You saved me, pulled me out, even though you didn’t have to. You could have just left me behind, but you didn’t. Why?”

“Because you don’t belong there. Like I said before, you’re a very special figurine. If you come home with me, my father will help you find a place that you can call home. Without having to wait for Santa to bribe some kid to take you. He’ll help you find a real home, another collector. A home where your…incredible beauty will be appreciated…even loved,” Jimin looked down. Saying the word love made him blush. He didn’t know why. 

“That sounds nice,” Jeongguk was comforted. “Jiminie, how did you and your father come to be? I mean…I guess I mean, why did he create you?”

“One word…loneliness. Much like Gepetto, my father always wanted a child. But he never found the right person to start a family with. I don’t think he ever loved another person to be honest. Sure he dated, I assume, but he never had the family he wanted. After he retired from Mattel, he decided to build a family of dolls that he could call his own. Many of his friends assumed he had gone crazy once they saw his new collection of hand carved dolls that he called his family. There are hundreds of us, but when he built me specifically, it was so that I could be like a son. He was the only one who saw my soul. The only one who knew I could talk and he talked back. We’ve been that way ever since. I’m his son, the son he would not have ever had otherwise,” Jimin explained. “That’s why I will do whatever it takes to get back to him.”

“You’re so fearless. You aren’t afraid of anything, are you?”

“I’m afraid of one thing…never seeing my father again. I couldn’t bear for that to happen,” Jimin explained. 

Jeongguk was struck with a terrible thought. It was something that he had wanted to ask Jimin since the first day they met, but he didn’t have the courage to do so…until now.

“Jiminie, you said that you didn’t remember how you got to the donation barrel?”

“That’s right.”

“And you said that your father would have never let you go willingly…?”

“Yea.”

“Jiminie,” Jeongguk closed his eyes. What he had to say was difficult, “what if your father didn’t let you go willingly because…well I mean…what if he’s dead, just like my owner? Most doll collectors never, ever let their collection go…until they die.”

Instead of yelling or being angry, Jimin huddled closer to him, “I never even thought about it until you told me what happened to your owner. I guess it’s possible he’s no longer here…but…I would know, Jeongguk. I would feel it, inside of my wood, I would feel it. Not only do I believe he’s still alive, I believe he’s looking for me. I can’t explain why I feel that way. I just do.”

“We’ll look for him together. And we won’t stop until we find him,” Jeongguk promised.

“Thank you, Jeongguk. You are so very special. I feel something important, different when I’m with you. I can’t explain it. I’ll have to discuss it with father when I arrive home. I’m not sure what to do with the feeling.”

“Can you explain? Tell me more about what you feel.”

“I’ll try. Do you remember a month ago when I first arrived?”

“Of course,” Jeongguk smiled. Dimples formed along the soft surface of his plastic.

“You were the first person I saw. I was so confused. The fall didn’t feel so good either. But as soon as I saw you, heard your voice, I knew I was safe. I grabbed on to you and I never wanted to let you go. There were other dolls around, others who were just as kind. But it was only you who affected me that way. Only you. Even though I hadn’t yet seen your face.”

“You mentioned love earlier. Could you possibly love me? Like they love each other in porn?” Jeongguk said simply.

“That’s possible. That’s why I want to talk to my father. Based on what I know about the doll anatomy, we are much simpler than real humans, but just as capable of a wide range of emotions and feelings. Why can’t love be one of them?” Jimin shrugged.

“It takes humans an impossibly long time to fall in love. If we’re much simpler, then we can fall in love right away,” Jeongguk proclaimed.

“I guess?” Jimin shrugged again.

“I feel the same way that you do…all warm and stuff when we touch. I think about you all the time. You even make my plastic melt. I dream of you when I sleep. Does that mean I’m in love with you too?”

“Sounds like it.”

“Well then I officially declare us to be in love. Two dolls in love. That’s a first. Since we’re in love, do we do porn things together like humans do?”

Jimin grimaced, “Again, I am very knowledgeable about doll anatomy and I can assure you, we can’t do the porn things that you see humans do. We don’t have…the parts,” Jimin explained delicately.

Jimin stood to his feet and pulled down his leather pants. He thrusted his crotch towards Jeongguk’s face so that he could see his torso in the darkness, “See…I don’t have one of those. And you don’t have one of those and neither of us have that other thing in the back so…I think we, as dolls, have to find another way to show our love,” Jimin said scientifically.

“I have lips. And you have lips. We could kiss like they do in the porn.”

Jimin smiled. His Jeongguk was very smart. “It’s a beautiful night. The moon is full. The sky is grey. The snow is very white. It feels like the perfect romantic scene for two dolls to share their first kiss.” Jimin tilted his head and leaned in. He had never kissed before and he wasn’t sure exactly how it worked. But everything within his beechwood frame told him that kissing was exactly what he needed.

Jeongguk had only seen porn kisses which consisted of alot of licking and crotch grabbing - so that’s what he did. He used his soft tongue made of felt and rubbed it all over Jimin’s expensive beechwood face. At no point did their lips ever touch, but both pulled away deeply satisfied. 

“That was…incredible,” Jimin said dreamily.

“We should do that every hour, from now on,” Jeongguk affirmed. 

They smiled and leaned against each other as they watched the snow fall.

“We should get some sleep. We can get up first thing in the morning and get on our way. It will be much easier to figure out where we’re going in the daylight,” Jimin explained.

“Jiminie?”

“Yea.”

“Whatever you do. Don’t let me go,” Jeongguk said softly as he closed his eyes.

***

 

Jimin couldn’t really sleep. He was too anxious and worried about his father. Jeongguk’s reminder about the possibility of his father being hurt was a valid one. The sooner that Jimin was able to get back home, the better. As Jeongguk continued to slumber on his shoulder, Jimin removed Namjoon’s doll manifesto from his inner pocket. Molly had helped him steal it just before the escape. There was critical information there, namely, the exact name of the person who had donated him to the bin. Likely, there was also an address for tax purposes. 

Jimin knew that he lived there in Christmas City. Sure enough, the name of the man who had donated him was not that of his father. It was a name that Jimin wasn’t familiar with. His father’s name was Hyun Soo. This man’s name was Dan Washington. It sounded like a fake name but Jimin couldn’t know for sure. The address that was on the donation slip was 1108 Holly Jolly Lane. It wasn’t much of a clue, but it was at least a place to start. 

As Jeongguk slept on his shoulder, Jimin took every opportunity to kiss his forehead. Love was a nice thing to have. He liked it very much. But he still felt it important to talk to his father about it. 

 

The sun arose about 5am. Jimin gently rubbed Jeongguk’s back until he sat up. “Is it time to go? Any ideas on a map?”

“No ideas on a map. But I do have an address. 1108 Holly Jolly Lane,” Jimin said happily.

Jeongguk smiled brightly, “Hey, I know that street. It’s not far from the barrel. We passed it on the way out.”

“I remember seeing it too. We’ll have to turn around and go back in the other direction. But I remember how to get back there.”

“Do you really think that’s your address?” Jeongguk asked.

“No. But it can’t be far from my house. If we can just get back there, it’ll be one step closer to finding my father,” Jimin sighed.

Jeongguk dug the motorcycle from underneath the snow. They headed back towards the main road and started towards Holly Jolly lane. It took an hour to reach the street they were looking for. And as soon as they turned down the road, Jimin saw something completely unexpected. 

 “STOP!” Jimin yelled.

“Is it the elves?” Jeongguk turned to look behind them.

“No. Look over there. Is that…me?” He pointed towards a poster that was taped to a light post. 

Jeongguk followed Jimin’s eyes, “It is you. It’s a ‘MISSING’ person poster.”

“I’ve been reported missing…by my father. I knew it. I knew it.” Jimin jumped off of Jeongguk’s motorcycle and ripped the poster from the pole. “Jeongguk, there’s an address and a phone number! It really is from my father. He’s looking for me. This is his handwriting,” Jimin cried out.

Jimin turned to run and hug Jeongguk but before he could get to him, he felt himself go airborne. He was being lifted by the arms and pulled towards the sky. 

“Got you. Where have you been all night? Now we just have to find two more of the missing dolls and we’ll be able to shut down this search mission,” it was one of Namjoon’s main elves. He had spotted Jimin running down the sidewalk. “We thought you would have been miles away by now. Guess we got lucky.” The elf was named Yoongi. He was 202 years old and he did not have time for bullshit. He was one of the primary handyman elves who worked in toddler kitchenware. He was certainly not pleased to be pulled from his duties only days away from Christmas, in order to go on a hunt for a missing doll.

Jimin screamed, “Help! Jeongguk help!” He kicked and scratched at Yoongi’s hand, trying to get him to drop him. “HELP!” 

Jeongguk revved his motorcycle. He drove it directly over Yoongi’s foot. Yoongi howled and began hopping on one foot while holding the other. Jimin did his part as well. He bit into the palm of Yoongi’s hand, leaving several splinters deeply embedded in his skin. Jeongguk revved up the motorcycle once again and drove it over Yoongi’s other foot. That was too much to take. The attack from the rogue dolls made him cower, dropping Jimin in the process. 

Jiming grabbed the overly large poster and held on to it as he ran towards the motorcycle. 

“They’re getting away. The missing dolls, they’re getting away. Someone, call Namjoon. We can’t let them get away again,” Yoongi yelled.

Jeongguk pushed his motorcycle as quickly as it could go, but it wasn’t fast enough. Three more elves joined the chase and they pursued them on foot. Even though the elves were miniature little people at only three feet tall, they were still much bigger than the one foot tall dolls. And they could run fast with their green curly toe boots.

“Go Jeongguk, go. They’re gaining on us. Dammit these elves are fast,” Jimin screamed.

“I’m going, but…but…oh no!” There was horror in Jeongguk’s voice.

“What is it?”

“We’re out of battery. That’s why I can’t go any faster.”

“We have to bail. Pull into the alley up ahead and we’re going to have to run for it. We can hide in the drainage vent,” Jimin thought quickly on his feet.

“But…but I can’t just leave my motorcycle,” Jeongguk had a sentimental attachment to his bike. He didn’t want to leave it behind.

Jimin assured him, “We can hide it. Just hurry.”

They took a sharp right into the back of the candy cane factory. The maneuver confused the elves. They took a left turn and headed in a completely different direction. 

“I think we lost them. Park your motorcycle behind that big sugar bin. We’ll come back for it, I promise. I love you so I wouldn’t lie,” Jimin winked.

Reluctantly, Jeongguk left his motorcycle. The two fled the scene on foot. 

“This is my address. The poster says my address is 1013 Jiminie Christmas Way. It’s very close to here. I know this candy cane factory. I’ve been here before. It’s my father’s favorite candy store. My father used to always walk here. Follow me…this way.”

Jeongguk took one final look at his hidden motorcycle and then grabbed Jimin’s hand. Together they dropped into the drainage vent and traveled towards Jimin’s home.”

***

 

For two hours they traveled through the drainage vent. Every block or so, Jimin would peak his head up through the grid to evaluate where they were and how long they had traveled. At first, he could see the hurried feet of the elves as they blanketed the town looking for them. But as the morning progressed, the elves could no longer be seen. It was Christmas Eve morning, the busiest day of the year and the elves could no longer dedicate time to looking for lost dolls. 

“I think we can go back up now. We’re close to my house. I recognize the street,” Jimin said confidently.

Jeongguk was rattled. Between losing his motorcycle and watching Jimin almost be captured, he had lost confidence in their plan. “Are you sure about this? We can’t allow ourselves to be captured again.” Jeongguk looked around carefully as they emerged from the drainage grate.

The snow started again, muting the brilliance of the sun. The day was foggy and murky making it difficult to see. Yet, Christmas City was abuzz with happiness. Carolers sang on every corner. Humans with children in tow, scurried up and down the streets, visiting the vintage shops. Packages of red, green, and gold were carried in every arm. The children bounced happily, imbibing the joy of the glorious day - the day when Santa would arrive. Jingle bells belled in the distance. Smells of hot chocolate and warm pies wafted through the air. And the lights glittered all around them; blue lights, green lights, red lights, clear lights. It was as if the stars were sparkling on every window and every door and every light pole. Christmas trees of all shapes, sizes and colors were decorated inside of every window. Christmas city very much lived up to its reputation. The snow that had been a mild hindrance as they tried to navigate their way through town, suddenly became the perfect backdrop for the chilly Christmas Eve day.

Jeongguk paused. He had never seen happiness on such a large scale. “What is all of this?”

Jimin held  Jeongguk’s hand and then placed his arm around him, “This…is Christmas.”

“Is this what it’s like…on the outside?” Jeongguk looked up and around. He twirled around in a slow circle, with his head tilted towards the sky; eyes widening with each new thing he discovered. 

“Every year.” Jimin affirmed. “Christmas is…very special. It’s not a time for dolls to be stuck in a dark barrel. It’s why we had to be free. Do you understand now why I was so determined to get out?”

“I think I do. This is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen,” Jeongguk nodded.

“Even better than human porn, right?”

“Much better,” Jeongguk smiled bashfully. Jeongguk felt the spirit of Christmas overwhelm him. He grabbed Jimin and kissed him. Well at least he kissed him the best way he knew how; a felt tongue all over Jimin’s face. Jimin laughed loudly, partially because Jeongguk’s tongue tickled, but mostly because he really did feel love for the doll that he’d known only a month. 

“I…love you?” Jimin managed to say as soon as Jeongguk rolled his tongue back into his mouth.

“I…love you…too?” Jeongguk replied back.

 

Humans dodged the two expensive figurines as they kissed and meandered along the sidewalks. So many people bustled around them. It was difficult for them to find space to walk without getting stepped on or crushed. Despite the beautiful scenery, the situation became dangerous. More and more people crowded the streets as the morning progressed. 

Jimin still had a good idea of where they were, but the flurry of people made it difficult to move freely, especially without their motorcycle. Just as they decided to go back underground and continue traveling through the drainage grates, their path was suddenly blocked by a large figure. 

She was a small girl, not young, but not old. She pressed her face into theirs, her large green eyes rolling over them. With her mittened hand she scooped them up and brought them even closer to her face. “Hey I know you. I know you,” she smiled.

Although the two of them should have felt threatened, they didn’t immediately react to being carried by the child. 

“Is this you?” She unfolded a copy of Jimin’s missing folder and showed it to them. “You’ve been missing for a very long time. Your name is Jiminie.” She laughed, seemingly pleased with the name, “Your father is going crazy looking for you. My name is Lily. I won’t hurt you, I promise. May I…take you to him?”

Jeongguk stared at Jimin with fear and trepidation dancing in his large eyes. He didn’t know what to think. Trusting a human didn’t sound like a good idea.

He and Jimin were not free to speak in front of her. Instead Jimin gave Jeongguk the signal to relax. He laid down in her hand and didn’t fight. It was a sign of him accepting her offer. 

Lily placed them in a box with a lid. She spoke to Jimin and Jeongguk urgently before closing it, “I’m keeping you here for your safety. Jimin…you were stolen during a robbery. It was all over the news. Some thugs from the Grinch Gang in Whoville broke into your father’s doll shop and stole his most valuable dolls, including you. They hurt your father very badly. He tried to fight for you. He risked his life to keep them from taking you. But…well…he’s fine now. Heartbroken, but doing well.” Lily looked at the two of them. Even though they were just dolls, she was certain that they understood her. There was something in their eyes that felt like they could hear her. She continued, “Anyway, they caught the Grinches who did this. And most of Mr. Park’s stolen items were recovered, except for…you. And you were the most important to him. It took time for Mr. Park to heal from his injuries, but as soon as he was able to move around again, he started posting posters looking for you. Whoever took you had no idea of your real value. They let you get away. And judging from the looks of your vintage friend over here, he’s pretty valuable too.  I don’t want anyone else to see you until I get you home. So forgive me for covering you. I promise, you won’t be here for very long.”

 

As soon as they were secured in her box, she took off running down the street. She ran only a short distance before cutting through the snow covered lawn of a small house at the end of the corner. The house belonged to Mr. Hyun-Soo Park, Jimin’s owner, creator and father.

She banged on the door like mad, “Mr. Park! Mr. Park, it’s me Lily. Come quick, please. I have something for you.”

The soft whispering voice of an old man came from behind the locked door. It took him several long minutes to get there, “Moving as fast as I can.”

Jimin stayed as still as possible, even though his wood was tingling. He recognized his father’s voice immediately. Lily had not lied to them, she had taken them directly to him.

“Hurry Mr. Park, this is an emergency,” Lily yelled again through the door. 

Mr. Park laughed softly, “I’m coming, kiddo.” 

Mr. Park swung the door open to find Lily standing there bouncing from one foot to the other. “Lily, hello my sweetheart. Merry Christmas. To what do I owe…,”

Lily screamed, “NO TIME.” She barged inside and closed the door behind her. She had to be certain that no one had followed her. “Take this box. Quickly. Open it!” She danced around again, anxious to see Mr. Park’s face. She couldn’t believe her luck with finding Jimin just roaming down the street. “OPEN IT!” She yelled again.

“Settle down. Ok.” Mr. Park slowly peeled the top from the make-shift hideout that Lily had provided for Jimin and Jeongguk. 

Before the top was fully pulled back, Jimin jumped into the air, “Father! Father!” He wasn’t certain if his father could hear him but he yelled anyway.

Mr. Park dropped the box, causing Jimin and Jeongguk to topple to the floor. His eyes filled with tears and he covered his mouth with his twisted calloused fingers. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “Jiminie?” He said with teary texture to his words. “It’s not possible. Can it really be you?”

“It’s really me!” Jimin yelled to him.

Mr. Park slowly worked his tired body down to one knee. He secured Jimin within both of his hands and cupped his fingers around his sturdy frame. “It’s you, my boy. It’s really you.” He pulled Jimin into his chest and hugged him with the angst of a heartbroken old man. The two took several minutes to embrace. For both of them, it was a moment they feared would never come. 

“Thank you Lily. Thank you…but how? Where? I’ve looked all over Christmas City. He was nowhere to be found. How did you find him…on Christmas Eve no less?” Mr. Park was in full tears, unable to contain his joy, his relief, his gratitude.

“I don’t know…I was walking to the candy cane factory to get some candy canes for my little brother and all of a sudden, there they were. They were running for the drainage grates. I stopped them because it didn’t seem like a safe place for them to go. And that’s when I noticed that Jiminie looked familiar. It was the face on your poster. Well, I brought them straight here?” Lily explained. 

“You will certainly get the reward.” Mr. Park fished through his pockets and came up with a $100.00 bill and placed it firmly into Lily’s hand. “It’s not much, but it’s all that I have. It will never equal the gratitude that…,” Mr. Park suddenly froze, “...wait. Did you say…them?”

“Yes,” Lily grinned. “Them.” She pointed towards the box. 

Mr. Park slid the box’s top further to the side and that’s when he saw him. “What is this?” Mr. Park stared down into the bottom of the box where Jeongguk sat awkwardly waiting to be noticed. “You have a plus one?” He said lovingly to Jimin. Mr. Park smiled heartily at the extra doll. He picked him up, delicately handling him with the professional touch of an exquisite doll maker. “Are my eyes deceiving me? No…it can’t be. You’re a Jeongguk. 1984 Harleyman. But where’s your world renowned motorcycle little one?” Mr. Park was the most knowledgeable doll maker in Christmas City. He recognized Jeongguk’s aesthetic and construction right away. He was another collectable - a pricey one.

“Thank you for the money Mr. Park. But I don’t want it. Now that Jiminie is back with you, that is the best present that I could ever have. She stuffed the bill back into the tattered pocket of Mr. Park’s sweater and then bounced back through the front door. “Good luck Jiminie and Jeongguk. Welcome home and Merry Christmas.”

***

 

As soon as Lily was through the door, Jimin, aided by Jeongguk, launched into the story of where he had been for a month. He explained everything about the barrel, and Mrs. Potato Head and Mr. Potato Head and Tiana and the elves and Molly and Raggedy Andy. He even recounted his traumatic experience of being thrown down the chute. 

Mr. Park grabbed a bowl of popcorn and listened intently as he used his wood tool to buff out the small scratches and dirt marks within Jimin’s otherwise flawless carving. He removed his clothes and returned him to a natural state of nudity so that the rare beechwood could breathe and re-adjust to the balmy temperature inside of the house. The fact that Jimin had returned to him fully clothed in what could only be described as gay-erotic-stage-performance ware was deeply humorous. The fact that it came from GI Joe’s personal closet only made it even more hysterical. As a doll maker, he had great intuition and his intuition always told him that the tough soldier GI Joe had a softer side. 

But it was when Jimin talked about Jeongguk that Mr. Park paid the most attention. He smiled at them as they held hands and explained all they had been through. He told tall tales of how Jeongguk had helped him escape, twice, and how they’d spent a night huddling alone in the belly of a tree as they hid from the elves. But there was more that Jimin had to say that was curious, very curious.

“Father. I need to talk to you about something. Jeongguk and I…we need your help. You see…,”

Jeongguk interrupted, “We’re in love. Jiminie doesn’t believe it’s real. He doesn’t trust me when I tell him that we can be in love. We can, can’t we Mr. Park? We can love each other, right? That’s something that even dolls can do, right?” Jeongguk said, sounding slightly desperate. 

Mr. Park laughed in his soft soothing tone. He scratched the edge of his grey temple and sat forward at his work table. With the greatest of delicacy and utmost respect, he pulled Jeongguk forward to take a look at him. Jimin had not been the only one battered during their escape. Jeongguk had scratches and dents as well. Mostly due to weeks of neglect. Nothing too serious, but Mr. Park did ask his permission to do the repairs.

“You are injured, Jeongguk. May I…fix you?”

“I’m injured?” Jeongguk hadn’t realized it. He examined his own body and realized that he was a dented mess. “I would be honored if you would repair me.” Jeongguk looked at all of the dolls, hundreds of them, that sat upon Mr. Park’s shelf. They were all incredible, but none was as gorgeous as Jimin. “Do you  need me to disrobe,” Jeongguk asked boldly. If all of the other dolls were naked, he saw no reason why he shouldn’t be.

“Maybe briefly so that I can buff out your plastic and shine your glass. But you are not like my others. You’re pure Acylonitrile-butadiene-styrene. Your outer shell is not meant to endure the same destruction as my wooden family. You are much more delicate. Clothes help protect you from dents and tears when you’re in the elements or if you belong to a child. It’s ok to wear them or not. We don’t judge around these parts,” Mr. Park spoke gently, like a doctor speaking to a patient. He took his time corralling his thoughts on doll love. He had to be careful, truthful as he explained it to his two fastidious inquisitors.

Mr. Park stared lovingly at the two dolls. As different as night and day, he wondered how they had fallen so hard for each other. He wondered if this was how fate worked. Jimin had been stolen by thieves who were too dense to understand his worth, thereby ditching him in a doll bin at a vintage shop to hide the evidence of their theft. What were the odds of him meeting someone as perfect as Jeongguk in such an imperfect place? In Mr. Park’s mind, it was all destiny.  

So could two such dolls really claim to be in love? After all, wasn’t love an emotion reserved for the highest inhabitants on the food chain? Could love really exist within two bodies that had no heart, no blood, and no endorphins? His answer was yes. His answer had always been yes. 

As he worked on Jeongguk’s bruised back, he began to tell his side of things. “My answer is yes. Love can exist within anything that has a soul. I’m sure Jimin has explained to you that you have a beautiful soul, so does he. Your inner workings do not come from you, yourself, but rather from the creator who made you. Our love and care somehow gets transferred into your existence. To most people my words sound like the ramblings of an old man. But for those doll makers who spend their days breathing life into figurines such as you, they understand. Human life is short, and complex. Love is not promised for us. I’m a perfect example. I’ve never been in romantic love myself. But I do love my creations which are like children to me. But you two…you two have the perfect canvas for which love can flourish. It is no mistake that you found each other.”

“So the strange things that I feel whenever I am with him, are real?” Jimin asked, eyes wide.

“Very real, my son,” Mr. Park confirmed.

“Told ya,” Jeongguk bragged as he lay naked on his stomach, across Mr. Park’s work bench. 

“I believe you, Jeongguk. I always have. I just needed to hear it from…my dad. He caressed the back of Jeongguk’s silken hair as Jeongguk underwent repair. “So, do I have your permission to be in love with…him?” Jimin asked his father nervously. 

“He has been welcomed into our home. Until and unless he decides to leave, he is family. And if you love him, then so do I. He does seem rather loveable,” Mr. Park teased. 

“I think we’re also going to need a few more of these talks…just to help us understand how all of this is supposed to work, Mr. Park,” Jeongguk added.

“More of these talks?” Mr. Park grabbed his temples. He was a bit concerned regarding what else they could possibly want to talk about. “About what?”

Jimin paced with his hands behind his back. He had a list, “Many things. To start, I’d like to have a penis. People in love do things with their penises. Neither Jeongguk nor I have one. Therefore we are not able to fully optimize our love.”

“Like they do in human porn,” Jeongguk added.

“Mr. Park dropped his wood burner and stared at both of them.”

“Can you carve one for me? Nothing too fancy or audacious. I’ll take the standard peen for a healthy young doll my age,” Jimin said matter-of-factly.

“Do I need one too Mr. Park?” Jeongguk asked.

“Oh dear…,” Mr. Park rose to his feet. He was not ready for that conversation. Never had any of his dolls requested anatomical adjustments for the sake of sexual doll-tercourse. He needed several moments to gather his bearings. “And where…have you seen porn young man?”

“My owner. Before he died, he used to love the stuff. He watched it almost everyday. I could see it from my box,” Jeongguk shrugged.

“You…put your clothes back on. I’m done with your repairs,” he said hastily to Jeongguk. “I…uh…will give your requests some thought. He helped Jeongguk dress in his leather gear and proceeded calmly as if his dolls had not just asked if they could have sex with each other. “For now, I have something very important to discuss with you two. Jeongguk, do you remember where your motorcycle ran out of battery?”

“Yes, I do. Behind the candy cane factory. I hid it behind a large vat of sugar cubes. I didn’t want to, but it was the only way to keep it safe. At the time we were being chased by elves. I had no choice,” Jeongguk explained. If there was anything to get his mind off of porn and penises, it was his precious motorcycle.

“Fine. Very good. I’ll head out later to pick it up and bring it back here. We can get it recharged.  I know a guy who’s a whiz at fully mechanized toys. Secondly and this is very important, can you two tell me more about this manifest?” Mr. Park picked up the scroll that housed all of the names and attributes of the dolls who were left in the barrel. 

“Sure. There are hundreds of us…that is my best guest. I was only there for about four weeks total. The rest of them have been there for years.”

“Sounds horrific. And does Santa know about this place?”

“Yes,” Jimin answered. “He is the one working to get us rehomed. He opened the place a hundred years ago so that unloved dolls would have some place to go. I’m sure he never meant for it to end up like this. The reason that I stole the manifest was because…well…I was hoping that we could help some of the dolls. Many of them have been there for decades. You know so many people, father. So many dollmakers who would appreciate them. Is there anything we can do?”

Jeongguk added, “We were treated well and loved…as much as they could love us. We were a bunch of old toys and the elves were busy with the new. So neglect happened” Jeongguk said sadly.

Jimin held his hand. “Jeongguk is right. Many of the toys have been there so long that they have no idea how to live outside. If we could help even one…it would mean so much to them.”

“Hmmm, I see.” Mr. Park combed through the manifest again. He read through all of the dolls’ names and dates of manufacture, their materials, their skills, their themes and everything else that he could learn about them. “You are correct again Jimin, there are hundreds of dolls stuffed away in there. One thousand and eight to be exact.” Mr. Park pulled vital information from the manifest. Tiana? From Princess and the Frog?” Mr. Park smiled. “Says here that she is missing?”

“She has been gone for over a month,” Jimin explained.

“I have it on good authority that Tiana is just fine. Jimin, do you remember Sergi, the dollmaker from Ukraine? He found Tiana discarded in a location very similar to where you have explained that the thrift store is located. He has completely refurbished her, even sewed her a new gown. She is one that the elves no longer need to worry about. The others…however. Tonight is Christmas Eve. And if Santa can’t find a home for them, then I will. This will be the last Christmas they spend in that place,” Mr. Park smiled at both of them and then scurried away.

***

 

Molly sat in her kitchen enjoying a cup of tea. Ironically enough, her little nudity protest had earned her some new clothes; a white leather mini-skirt, a pair of Ugg boots and some legwarmers, all from the American Doll Collection. She felt more stylish but it didn’t really matter if she didn’t have Jeongguk to talk to. Although she was happy that he was finally free, she didn’t anticipate that he would actually leave with Jimin. She always thought that he would come back after helping Jimin escape. In retrospect, she realized that she was silly for thinking that. Given the choice between fleeing with a hottie doll like Jimin versus spending the rest of his days in the barrel with her, she understood Jeongguk’s decision. Still, she missed him. 

 

Mildred and Ralph were once again living under the same roof. After an extended time with Spud, Mildred finally allowed Ralph back into the house. Molly expected her to come for tea and a visit later in the afternoon.

The entire fiasco with Tiana and then with Jimin and Jeongguk escaping shed new light on the worsening conditions within the barrel. The place was falling apart. Even Santa came to see the place for himself after Jimin and Jeongguk fled. 

Even though Namjoon expected to get fired over the events, Santa didn’t blame him at all. Santa took complete responsibility for creating a space that wasn’t safe enough for the dolls. He vowed to find them new accommodations with more life and safer neighborhoods. In the meantime, the elves worked feverishly to seal all of the holes that were exposed during Jimin and Jeongguk’s escape.  Everyone agreed that although life inside was not glamorous, the dolls were definitely safer inside than out. No one knew the fate of Jimin and Jeongguk or Tiana - but they all heard terrible rumors about their demise. Dolls were never meant to live in the elements, all alone. 

It was Christmas Eve. Regardless of what kind of accommodations the dolls lived in, the fact remained that they were still a group of unwanted figurines who had no one to love them. No amount of fancy buildings could change that. And that was incredibly sad. 

 

A loud horrendous noise infiltrated the dark interior of the structure. Unlike the loud blurring of an alarm, this was something completely different - unfamiliar - unwelcomed. The dolls all covered their ears and backed away from the walls. They gathered in the center of the room, waiting for the fresh new hell to reveal itself. Was it a new alarm? A new warning? What was it? The floor beneath them began to shake as bright orange sparks exploded from the walls. Someone was cutting through the six inches of steel with a powerful steel cutter. Molly ran, gathering the stunned clowns and pulling them with her. Someone or something was coming in through the wall. The dolls didn’t know if it was friend or foe. They only knew fear.

The sizzling cutter burned through the steel like butter. The noise of the grinding of the fiery blades against the corroded steel was enough to drive the dolls insane. Fortuenly, it did not last long. By the time they felt they could take no more, the cutting stopped. What remained was a large rectangular dye cut in the side of the barrel. Within seconds, it was pulled forward. It thundered to the ground, shaking beneath the doll’s feet once again. They covered their eyes as the brilliant white light shone through the dim space, forcing them to take cover. 

Namjoon was the first to step through the newly curated hole in the wall. He was covered in snow, smiling from ear to ear in his best Christmas suit. His dimples had never been more prominent than they were that snowy Christmas Eve. He was legitimately happy and that was a Christmas miracle for the routinely anxious elf.

He stepped through the large gaping hole and lifted a megaphone to his lips, “Listen up. You have all been adopted. I repeat, you have all been adopted. It’s sleigh time. You heard me correctly, Voldemort, no need to send spells at me. Even you have been adopted.”

The chatter in the room started softly but grew in volume as each second passed. 

Molly stepped forward, “All of us? Seriously, all of us?”

Mrs. Potato head and Mr. Potato head stepped forward as well. “Who would want us? We’re old relics from the 80’s. We have no value to anyone. Is this some kind of cruel joke?” Ralph asked.

“You have plenty of value,” Mr. Park leaned down to his knees and stared into the barrel, “Ah, just as my boys described it. Now this is no place for quality toys such as yourselves. Line up. We will need to match you with your new owners. I’ve combed through the manifest at least 100 times, even the Legoland K-mart has been claimed. No one will be left behind. I have official permission from Santa to clear all of you out of here. So, let’s get started shall we? There are more than 1000 of you to process,” Mr. Park laughed. From behind Mr. Park appeared no less than five-hundred additional people. He ushered them forward to introduce them to the crowd of stunned dolls. “These are your new owners. Most of them are doll makers like myself, but some of them are just regular people. Santa spent so much time trying to get kids to enjoy you, that he never considered that there are adults who understand your attributes and would love you just as much. These people all used to be kids too. Just because they are older now, doesn’t mean that the kid doesn’t still live within them. You are very special toys, not just anyone will appreciate you. But all of these friends that I have brought with me today, will cherish you forever,” Mr. Park smiled and stepped back through the hole. Namjoon commandeered the manifest and one by one, he began calling names. 

“Ralph and Mildred Potato Head, please step forward,” Namjoon called.

Mildred broke into tears. The woman who claimed them was a mousy little grey haired woman in her early sixties. With her, she held a suitcase full of attachable hats, clothes, lips, teeth and other rare accessories that were manufactured for the original version of the dolls. She lowered an engraved case to the ground and invited Mildred and Ralph to step into it. She gave both of them hugs and held back tears of her own.

“I lost everything in a fire when I was six years old. I had Mr. and Mrs. Potato head and they looked just like you. I never thought I would be able to replace them until Mr. Park came along and told me about you. I am so honored to have you join my home,” she said as she stepped back with her new dolls in tow. 

“Molly the sleeping doll,” Namjoon called.

Mr. Park laughed and gossiped with the group of dollmakers. He didn’t even realize that his new doll had been summoned. He heard her name repeated and then rushed to the large hole to claim her. He smiled down at her. She was absolutely stunning.

“You are a vintage Saucy Walker. There are not very many of you remaining and the ones that do exist are not anywhere near as exquisite as you. The elves have kept you in exceptional condition, but if you come home with me, I can make a few minor repairs to make you even more valuable. Hello Molly. I’m Mr. Park…Jimin’s father.”

“JIMIN!” Molly jumped. “He’s alive, he’s ok? He actually found you?” Molly said with excitement.

“Yes. Jeongguk is with him. He was uhhh, very insistent that I claim you to come and live with me. Jeongguk now lives in my workshop beside Jimin. And soon you will be there too, if you will agree to come?” Mr. Park’s eyes sparkled. 

She could see the kindness in his visage. He was the one who had set all of this in motion. He was the one who had rescued all of the dolls from their lives of misery. And now she was going home with him. Just as many others did, she began to cry.

“I would be honored to come home with you. Let me get my original dress. I think I need to learn to appreciate dressing my age,” she smiled.

 

It took two hours for each of the dolls to be registered, claimed and released to their new owners. When it was all done, the entire barrel was empty. Soon after, a bulldozer arrived and knocked it down, rolling over it several times until it became a thin sheet of metal. The long chute that served as the entrance to the barrel of melancholy was shredded into pieces and scrapped.  And that was the end.

***

 

Jimin and Jeongguk continued to be as in love as two dolls could possibly be. They considered themselves a committed couple and lived the rest of their existence in that regard. Molly came to live with them as well as a few others from the barrel community. Mr. Park rescued as many as he could. By the end of the year, he had the most valuable collection of dolls in the world. Some of them were sold to owners who would love them. Others remained with him, including Jimin who was worth $1.8 million dollars and Jeongguk who was worth $900,000. Proving it was never about the money, but about companionship. 

 

After much thought and consideration, he decided against giving either Jimin or Jeongguk penises. As dolls, they lacked the infrastructure to support the functionality of a sexual appendage. Without pulling them apart and transplanting some artificial form of stimulation into them, the penises simply would not serve a purpose. Besides, there was something beautiful about the purity and innocence of dolls that were originally crafted for children. So instead of indulging human fantasies that had been implanted by the wrong sources, Mr. Park focused on teaching them the emotional side of love. It took some time, but with much patience, Jeongguk was deprogrammed from thinking that love meant performing doll porn.

 

Given the value of Mr. Park’s doll collection, Santa and the Mayor of Christmas City decided to hire a full time team of security elves to guard the Park home. The family never again had to fear being the victims of robbery. Together they lived happily ever after and were never separated again.

 

THE END