**Author's Notes**
Hey! I'm back with part two of Sealed Lips. Once again we pick up the story in Jeju. You will notice that I somewhat tip-toe around the first two episodes, only because I didn't want to recount the days of Jimin being sick. I was so worried about him and I didn't want to document his tough times in this lighthearted take on AYS. I think it stressed us all.
I'm having so much fun writing this. Imagining some of the things that might have happened behind the scenes of some of the most infamous moments on the show. When the cameras weren't rolling, what was really said? What is the cause of those strange cuts and edits? Well this is my opportunity to explore AYS through my own depraved mind.
I want this to be a one shot that you can read quickly, so I'll keep the stories short. Thank you to those who sponsored this part of the story. I look forward to bringing you more. I love you Diamonds. I live to make you happy and make you smile with my silly tales. Thanks for supporting me, even during my hiatus. You're the best friends I could ever hope for. I love you. I love you. I love you.
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Summary:
Something is amiss in Jeju. Tae is suspicious. Jimin and Jeongguk are running scared and no one is ready to face the truth. When Tae uncovers strange behavior between his two best friend, he becomes unsettled. What he learns shocks him to his core. Will he keep it confidential or will he blow their secret out of the water. What dirty little secrets will the camera pick up this time? Welcome to Oubaitori
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Tags:
~ NSFW (21+)
~ Porn with Plot
~ Hurt/Comfort
~ Mild Angst
~ Canon and Canon divergent
~ Lies/Deceit/Betrayal
~ Everybody's Lips are Sealed
~ Graphic Sexual Content
~ Homosexuality
~ M/M
~ 12,511 k
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Sejin checked his watch. Of the fifteen production members who had traveled with Jimin and Jeongguk to film the show, three were staying in the house with them. It was getting late and they all needed to get back to the house and go to bed. Filming was due to start early the following morning and they needed their rest. Keeping up with all of the members’ activities was daunting for the older workers on the crew. Sejin sent a quick text to Jeongguk, asking if it was ok for them to return to the rented house where he and Tae and Jimin were staying.
Jeongguk replied promptly, “Yea. No problem. I restarted all of the cameras for you. Thanks for giving us some time alone.”
“Not something we can repeat. We don’t want anyone questioning this. One time only, as a favor,” Sejin responded via text.
“Got it,” Jeongguk texted back with a winking face emoji.
Jeongguk had originally asked Sejin to clear the house of all of the staff so that he, Jimin and Tae could take a break from being filmed. At least that was the excuse that Jeongguk had given him. But Sejin knew the real reason that Jeongguk wanted time alone and it had nothing to do with the three friends bonding. Jeongguk wanted to be alone - with Jimin.
Sejin knew for a fact that Tae had already gone to bed by the time Jeongguk requested that the entire crew leave. Even though the request was unorthodox, he managed to cover it up by offering to take the crew to a local bar for a few hours. Even though Sejin knew the real reason Jeongguk wanted to be alone with Jimin, none of the other crew members suspected anything unusual.
Sejin sat back in his seat. He finished off his soju infused beer and slammed his empty glass onto the table. The rest of the crew were playing pool and singing karaoke. He looked around at them, envious of their absolute ignorance. They knew nothing about the snake pit they had entered and they were better off because of it. Knowing secrets as combustible as the secrets that Sejin knew was a heavy burden.
He could hear the laughter from his friends and co-workers. They were all relaxed and having a really good time, an indication that they probably appreciated the break. As for Sejin himself, he wasn’t even supposed to be there; on that trip with the two love birds.
Love birds - that’s what he called them when others weren’t around because as much as they tried to deny it, that’s exactly what they were. Sejin was not supposed to be in Jeju or Connecticut or wherever else the love birds wanted to drag him. It was no longer his job because he had been promoted years ago to the Artist Development and Protocol Department. Babysitting the love birds wasn’t his job anymore.
But when Lee Jaesang, Hybe’s newly minted CEO inked a deal with Disney for Jimin and Jeongguk to have their own travel show, the entire Hybe building shook on its foundation. Everyone from the Idol groups to the janitors were stunned by the news. It was out of an abundance of panic that Sejin was called to the scene of the crime.
So how in the world did a show as intimate as ‘Are You Sure’ actually come to fruition? Well, according to the talking walls within the Hybe building, it was Jimin himself who started the negotiation for the deal. The story goes that one day, just after recording a particularly emotional duet with Jeongguk for his new album, Jimin showed up at the CEO’s office, requesting to speak to him. It was sometime around May of 2022.
Even though Lee Jaesang was booked in meetings for the remainder of the day, he cleared his calendar so that he and Jimin could talk. No one, not even the CEO of Hybe, could refuse a meeting with Park Jimin. Even the highest brass knew they would not be sitting where they were if not for the sacrifices of Jimin and his brothers. They were royalty. Jimin had absolute power, but he wielded it sparingly. He waited patiently in the lobby, writing down all of his ideas, and taking copious notes. He had a winning pitch and he realized it.
It took a couple of conversations with CEO Lee, but Jimin eventually arranged a larger meeting with all of the stakeholders. Once he got them to agree to the initial meeting, that’s when Jeongguk also joined in. They spoke softly and respectfully, however, they were firm with what they wanted. The two were all business, in lock step on their vision for the show and the potential revenue it could bring in. But most importantly, they saw value in what it could mean for the fans. They walked through the plan, eventually leaving the final decision up to Lee Jaesang.
The two members represented the most powerful duo within the septet. With Jimin the lead dancer and Jeongguk the lead singer, they were two members that no one wanted to piss off. Additionally, each of the members held equal stock shares within the company and their financial cuts were significant. No one in that building was as powerful as the two of them. They were the money makers, and they were bringing it in by the truckloads. So when they insisted on their own travel show, there was no one who was really in position to say no.
The interesting thing about Lee Jaesang was that he was a money man. Although he had come up in the industry, his previous positions were all about making money. In his past positions, he served as Chief Innovation Officer and Chief Strategist. He even spearheaded the Company’s IPO launch. He was on the business side of things and not close to the talent or the operations of Big Hit. He looked at Jimin and Jeongguk’s offer to document their private vacation and all he saw was dollar signs. Demographics lined up. Jimin and Jeongguk attracted a niche market with dedicated fans. A quick demo analysis showed that Jikook fans were mature and wealthy. And they supported the solo efforts of both members. They were a financial source of revenue that was untapped. It was a win-win with no downside as far as Lee Jaesang was concerned.
But…to Lee Jaesang’s misfortune, he had to be the only man within the Hybe building who hadn’t heard the rumblings about Jimin and Jeongguk possibly having an illicit same-sex affair.
He agreed to the project without discussing it with anyone else. If he had just walked three steps to his secretary’s office, she could have told him how dangerous of a proposition he had just accepted.
As it were, he didn’t find out anything about the rumors until the contract with Disney was already signed, sealed and delivered. Airplane tickets were booked, permits were approved, and camera crews were hired. Jimin and Jeongguk’s show called, ‘Are You Sure’ was set to begin filming in July of 2023.
When the news got back to Bang PD, he was staying at his home in Los Angeles. He immediately called Lee Jaesang and inquired about the nature of the show. He wanted to know everything about the creative director and the development of the storyboards. Lee didn’t have any information to add. He advised Bang that the main premise for the show was for Jimin and Jeongguk to go scriptless. They were the Executive Producers and the direction of the show was up to them. It was supposed to be a raw and honest look into their friendship as they traveled around the world.
Having witnessed the evolution of the relationship between Jimin and Jeongguk, Bang went into a slight panic. He immediately called in reinforcements, someone who would agree to travel with them, supervise them, protect them, and if needed, destroy any evidence that could implicate them.
And that’s how Sejin got involved. Bang needed someone who knew the intricacies of that relationship and who loved them enough to keep it all hidden. Sejin was offered a healthy bonus and promised another promotion if he agreed to accept the assignment as their manager during the filming. He stood to make three times his regular salary. Plus he really did love the guys. He’d been with them since they were young teens, traveled everywhere with them. He knew them better than anyone else in the world, even their parents. So he agreed.
Jimin and Jeongguk were well into their seventh year of secretly dating. Although Sejin wondered if they were even aware that what they were doing was called dating. If he were to ask them, they would simply brush it off as friends who enjoyed each other’s company, friends who had a lot in common, bros who liked to eat the same foods, bros who liked to go to the movies together and watch the same shows, besties who took care of each other, companions, and a full list of mild mannered non-triggering words that allowed them to deny the truth to themselves.
After eight years of being their manager, Sejin had come to know secrets about all seven of them; secrets that no one else in the world knew. But the secret that he knew about Jimin and Jeongguk was by far the biggest and most combustible piece of information to ever exist within Idol history. Behind the backs of all of the other members, management and staff, Jimin and Jeongguk had quietly fallen in love. Sejin knew it. The patterns were all there for years.
Over the many years that he served as BTS’ manager, he had snuck many groupies into the hotel rooms of the other members. The other five were not virgins and they had very much enjoyed their celebrity status. Sejin handled the NDA’s, the privacy agreements, the sweeping of cameras, the boxes of condoms. He knew everything. They were viral young men who very discreetly fucked their way through their famous teen years.
But when it came to Jimin and Jeongguk; no other men, no other women, and no other members were allowed in their inner circle. It was always just the two of them. On many occasions Sejin thought he would catch visitors in their beds while on tour, but he never did. The only people he ever caught sharing their beds - were each other. He assumed they weren’t physically involved but he could only imagine how much they had experimented. They were always together, early in the morning and late at night. The other members were aware of their odd relationship and the hyungs watched them very closely, especially during their early debut days.
But as the members grew older, they grew apart. Not in a negative way, they just appreciated their differences and indulged in their individual lives. There was less focus on what Jimin and Jeongguk were doing and that’s how it all escalated without the other members realizing how serious the relationship had become. The moment that Sejin discovered they had applied to enlist together, he knew the two were officially partners. But who could he tell? Sejin guarded the information and protected their privacy as if it was his own.
If news of their relationship ever reached the other members or management at Hybe, their careers would be over. Hundreds of jobs would be lost, millions of Won would be lost in stock value. The company itself would be shunned, and the members themselves would be ostracized. Sejin loved them all too much to let that happen. So he kept his mouth shut and looked the other way.
There was one silver lining of it all. Jimin and Jeongguk were so professional with how they handled their entanglement that it never affected their work. And for that reason, he hoped that the intimacy they shared would not bleed into the filming of the travel show. They had great chemistry and both knew how to play the game on film and keep things platonic. Sejin never worried about it coming to light.
That is - until ‘Are You Sure’ came along. The first night of filming in the states, the two lead actors who were just supposed to be brothers on film, ended up alone cuddled on the bow of a private yacht watching a romantic sunset. It was at that moment that he knew he was fucked. He could see it in their eyes. This was not just a travel show for them - it was their last goodbye.
***
It was 7:00 am. Tae’s phone alarm silently pulsed to awaken him. He tossed and turned in his bed several times before finally opening his eyes. His immediate focus was on the glowing red light that pierced the dim room. The cameras were back up, and running, recording them as they slept. He could hear snoring and heavy breathing which caused him to lift his head. He turned slightly and peered towards the bed adjacent to his. And there he saw it; two tangled bodies sleeping leg over leg, arm over arm.
His anger was immediately triggered again. There were three distinct beds, one for him, one for Jeongguk and one for Jimin. There was no need for them to share a bed, yet the two of them had chosen to sleep together despite the camera recording.
Tae sat up on his elbow and surveyed them. They were both fully dressed. At least they had spared him the drama of sleeping together naked. Still, despite having their clothes on, there was something so intimate about them; the way they were tangled up in a knot sleeping over each other. Even their sleeping, unconscious bodies seem to know they were in love. He was so angry that he threw a pillow at them. It hit Jeongguk in the face and then fell to the floor. The younger one stirred, flipping to his side and tossing his arm across Jimin’s body. He cuddled in closer to him and resumed snoring.
Tae fell back flat, head hitting the pillow with a soft poof. So much flowed through his mind; memories, observations, and realizations that he’d never acknowledged before. Looking back in time gave him perspective on how they had arrived at this inconvenient toll gate of life. Jimin and Jeongguk’s absurd clinginess throughout the years suddenly made sense; they were in love and had been for years. Yet somehow he had missed it. And that was at the epicenter of his feeling of betrayal.
Tae and Jeongguk had long since lost their childhood friendship. As children everything came naturally and they couldn’t be separated. But as adults with vastly different life perspectives, things were awkward between them at times. It was only during their interactions for work where they found common ground. With them on a hiatus however, those opportunities were few and far between.
Tae also realized that even he and Jimin weren’t as close as they once were. They maintained their best friend status, but it took work, dedication and many heartfelt conversations to stay in sync. Nothing was as easy as adults as it was when they were kids. The degradation of their close bond happened gradually over many years because they all simply grew up.
It was a harsh truth and Tae partially took responsibility for it. Being the social butterfly that he was, Tae’s life had expanded far beyond BTS. He was dating and thinking about his future. He made new friends and had different interests. He made his own business deals and shopped for his own endorsements. He even used a different creative director for the launch of his new album. He was definitely splintering off on his own and carving his own way. All of it led him to new people and different places. The world was big and he wanted to experience it. He embraced chapter two as an opportunity to live as an individual and not just one of seven. But there were consequences for that growth. Being blindsided by a potentially career-killing situation happening in his own group, was one of those consequences.
His thoughts were cruel. He couldn’t understand how he had missed this. Why had he refused to listen to the other members who warned him what was happening? He had been lied to again and again and again whenever he confronted them about their behavior. And that was what probably hurt him the most. The two of them felt they needed to keep it secret from him even though he was the one who was most likely to understand.
As he continued to watch them slumber, wrapped in each other’s arms, he pulled himself up and sat on the edge of his bed. As angry as he was with them, watching them sleep so peacefully gave him solace. Still, he didn’t know if he could ever forgive them - ever.
Tae had a full day ahead with his friends. The friend outing could not have come at a better time because he was so angry with Jimin and Jeongguk, that he didn’t feel it was good to be around them until he cooled off. As quietly as possible he rose from the bed and tip-toed into the bathroom to get dressed. And then he silently snuck away to meet up with friends. He needed time away from his bandmates - to think.
It was well after 11:00 am by the time Jimin arose. He looked over and noticed that Tae was not in his bed. The outing with his friends had been pre-planned. The argument that occurred between them the night before had not. Jimin sat up and rubbed his eyes, shielding from the bright sun that shone into the room. He wanted a chance to talk to Tae, apologize for what Tae had walked in on. It was important to understand where Tae’s head was. But Tae was gone, so talking would have to wait.
Jimin stretched as he looked at his phone. It was definitely time to get up. They had a reservation at a restaurant on the south side of the island. They needed to leave in twenty minutes. He reached over to place his phone back on the nightstand and that’s when the pain hit; the little reminder of his sinful transgressions with Jeongguk the night before. The younger had definitely left an impression on him. Rather than allowing his thoughts to drown in the memory of Jeongguk’s powerful cock thundering into him, he chose to wake him up.
Jeongguk was behind him, cuddled into his back, breathing softly. It had been a long time since they’d awakened in each other’s arms. Jimin felt secure and complete with his young companion nestled behind him. As the younger one’s body swarmed over him, he could feel the light poke of Jeongguk’s morning wood pressed against the small of his back. He thought about what would happen if he worked his pants down and gave his big spoon a morning taste to quench his thirst. He wondered how it would feel being together like that in their soft bed. He didn’t dare move. He’d felt Jeongguk’s erections against him many times, but never before had he possessed such a scathing desire to fuck it. His discipline waned. Keeping his hands off of him was nearly impossible. At his weakest moment, just before he climbed on top of him to ride him until he broke his dick, his common sense resurfaced. They couldn’t be together in that way; they couldn’t.
He quickly course-corrected his thoughts and reminded himself that indulging in that part of their relationship was wrong. They slipped one time, but it would never happen again. It was terrible for him to even think about it, even though his body stubbornly craved it.
The bed was comfortable and the sheets were soft and inviting. He was surrounded by cool white fluffy pillows that cocooned them in their own little nest. The duvet was tangled around their legs and their legs were tangled around each other. He wanted to stay like that forever - until he noticed the red fiery glow of the camera light which brought him back to reality.
They were recording.
“Aishhhhh, Jeonggukie wake up.”
Jeongguk grumbled before burying his face into the back of Jimin’s neck. He didn’t want the cameras to pick up the movement of his lips. He whispered, “When you said we could never do it again, did you mean it?”
“I meant it,” Jimin answered firmly.
“What if my dick is aching like it’s about to fall off and you’re right here in front of me. And I’m really, really suffering. Is it still no?” Jeongguk whined into Jimin’s neck again. Their bodies were pressed so close that the camera angle barely distinguished two bodies over one.
“It will forever be a no. We talked about this.”
“Ok, but what if…,”
“The answer will always be no. I’m sorry.” Jimin covered his mouth with his hand. “We have to go. We have to leave here in about fifteen minutes. We’re eating stir-fried black pork at this cute little place that Sejin found.”
“I’m awake. But my day would be alot better if you would just let me…,”
Jimin began to sing, “And if you let me. I want to see it, in motion, ppeuriri.”
“3D. It’s English Jiminie, 3-D. 3-D like up close and personal, not ppeuriri. And if you would just cooperate, I could show you some good stuff in 3-D.”
“This entire conversation is going to have to be edited out.” Jimin giggled. He and Jeongguk jostled about the bed in a pretend fight, throwing fake punches, “Behave, you brat. Get dressed, I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh?” Jeongguk popped up, “I like surprises.”
“You’re going to love this one.”
“Whoa, wait a minute, where’s Tae? We said we were going to talk to him today.” Jeongguk realized the bed adjacent to them was empty.
“He had plans, remember? He’s meeting us at the restaurant. He’s been gone since sunrise.”
“I’m worried about him. He was really upset last night.”
“I’m worried too…about a lot of things,” Jimin ran his fingers through his long thick hair.
Jeongguk’s eyes flitted back and forth between the camera and Jimin. He felt there was more that needed to be said about their night in the swimming pool. He wanted to open the topic up again.But pulling the cameras and turning them all off so they could talk privately was time consuming. It was time they didn’t have because they needed to get to the restaurant. The in-depth talk would have to wait.
Jimin headed into the bathroom to shower. After about five minutes Jeongguk heard him scream. “Jeonggukie!”
Jeongguk ran into the bathroom to find Jimin partially nude, leaning into the mirror.
“Yeah? What’s wrong?”
“Look at this! Look how long this hair is. Do you have any tweezers?”
“No. Uh I didn’t bring any. Don’t pull it though.”
“No I won’t. You sure you don’t have tweezers?” Jimin turned to him with a pout.
Jeongguk laughed, “Awww.”
“What?”
“You’re so cute.”
“You’re laughing at me because I’m cute?”
“You’re a lot of things; funny, sexy, loving, generous, calm, talented…cute is just one of many things that make me love you.”
Jimin ducked as if drones were flying over his head. He ran up to Jeongguk and placed his hand over his mouth, “You can’t say that while we’re filming.”
“Oops,” Jeongguk pretended to care that he had broken the zero love confessions rule. “Won’t happen again.”
“You’re cute too. But I won’t say that other thing.”
“I don’t have any tweezers, Jiminssi. But I’ll take care of it. In the meantime let me nibble on that long strand of hair, it’s cute.”
“No.” Jimin covered his rogue strand of hair.
Jeongguk backed him against the sink and hovered over him, “Well can I at least have a little kiss? There’s no cameras in here.”
“Kisses lead to other things.”
“Right. Well…Can I just suck your dick?”
“Jeongguk! Get out of here.” Jimin lifted his leg and kicked Jeongguk in the butt. There were no cameras in the bathroom so he was free to roam around and say whatever he pleased.
***
It took about twenty minutes for them to dress and head outside. It was Jimin’s turn to drive but he had something very special planned for Jeongguk. It was parked in front of the rental house.
Jimin stood in front of Jeongguk, blocking him from leaving, “Ok, so close your eyes. It’s time for your surprise. Hold my hand, I’ll guide you. Trust me?”
“No. But I don’t think I have a choice,” Jeongguk teased.
Jimin slapped him in the chest, “Behave.”
He walked Jeongguk down the steps and out towards the parking garage where a 2024 Harley Fat Bob motorcycle was parked.
“Ok, ready?”
“The suspense is killing me.”
“Open your eyes.”
Jeongguk opened his eyes and immediately gasped? “You got this for me?”
“I rented it. You’ve been so into motorcycles lately. I thought you would really enjoy riding it while we’re here.”
Jeongguk immediately ran and jumped on.
“I love this so fucking much!” He beamed.
The key was already in so it started right up. “Oh Jimin, this is a great idea. The weather is great, the scenery is perfect. Jump on. You can ride in the bitch seat.”
“I certainly will not. I won’t be riding on anything called a bitch seat.”
“It’s what they call it here in America. Riding pillion, as my passenger.”
“Maybe later. You enjoy it for now. Follow me in the car.”
“Thank you Jiminie. This is just perfect!”
Jimin and Jeongguk arrived at the restaurant. Tae was not yet there.
Jimin pulled Jeongguk aside and spoke to him out of earshot of Sejin and the other staff, “Look, when he gets here, stay calm. He’s probably still angry about last night. We don’t know how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. So stay cool, ok?”
“I will. Heads up, here he comes.”
As they stood outside of the restaurant, the car carrying Tae pulled up beside them. He exited the car and glared at them both as they stood there. His mood was hard to read.
They could already feel the tension. Tae was distant. After years of knowing him and being his best friend, both Jeongguk and Jimin could tell when he was upset. And he was definitely upset.
“How was it…the golfing…I mean?” Jimin asked awkwardly.
“It was fine. I’m tired and I’m hungry,” Tae responded.
“Well…good thing we have a great meal waiting for us. Let’s go,” Jimin went in for a hug and Tae reciprocated. It was a good start to what was surely going to be a difficult conversation.
Jimin and Jeongguk exchanged nervous glances.
“Took you long enough to get here. Let’s eat. I’m starving,” Jeongguk was the first to head into the restaurant. Tae and Jimin followed.
Jimin and Jeongguk perused the menu. Tae perused Jimin and Jeongguk. There was so much on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to say.
Jeongguk noticed the hostility in Tae’s face. He raised his hand to let the server know they were ready to order. She came quickly. He asked a few questions and then talked through his order, taking the liberty to order for both he and Jimin.
“And you, sir? What would you like?” The waitress turned to Tae.
“Since when do you order for Jimin?” Tae snapped.
“Since…forever?” Jeongguk shrugged.
“He’s a foodie, Tae. He’s been ordering for me since we were kids. Surely you remember that. Sometimes I don’t even have to tell him what I want. He just knows what I like. You know this,” Jimin tried to keep it light-hearted. He laughed. “Give her your order. You’re holding up the food and we’re hungry.”
Tae spoke to the server, “Just give me whatever the ‘foodie’ ordered. I’ll take the same thing.” There was definitely a bite to Tae’s tone.
As the server left the table, Jeongguk sat back and folded his arms. “Ok, you’re upset about something, what is it? Are you still hung up on what you think you saw last night?”
“Hold on…what do you mean what I ‘think’ I saw? I know what I saw. Now you’re playing Jedi mind tricks on me?” Tae remarked.
“We explained everything to you, Tae. It was just a misunderstanding. There’s nothing…,” Jimin found it very difficult to lie to Tae’s face, but he had to do it, “...there was nothing going on.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Tae shook his head. He honestly wanted to cry.
This was a tricky conversation for cameras. One that would result in strange cuts and gaps in time. But Tae seemed determined to go down that road.
“I woke up in the middle of the night thinking back on all of the years we’ve been together as band members. I saw it but I didn’t really want to see it, you know? Namjoon saw it. Yoongi, Hobi, all of them. But not me. I lived by your word. Your word. But now I realize that all along your word has been nothing but a lie.”
“That’s over the line. Nobody has lied to you.” Jeongguk snapped.
“You’re dating each other, aren’t you?”
“Tae, we’re filming,” Jeongguk said angrily. This was not a subject for the cameras. Tae’s carelessness angered him.
“Oh now you care about the cameras? How about when you fucked in the swimming pool last night? You didn’t care then?”
“Tae!” Jeongguk quickly reached over to turn off the table cameras that sat on the tripods in front of them. He asked the clueless cameraman who was sitting a couple of tables away, to give them some time alone.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t start fucking rumors,” Jeongguk snapped at him, anger percolating.
“Rumors? I don’t peddle rumors. I only speak the truth. It took me a while to figure it out, but it all came rushing to me this morning. The bruises all over Jimin’s body. The limp and the grimacing in pain. The hickies on his back. The guilty looks on both of your faces. It didn’t take a genius to put it all together.” Tae slammed his hand on the table. “How could you do this? How could you risk so much?”
“Lower your voice,” Jeongguk snapped again.
Tae quipped, “I should have never come.”
“No you shouldn’t have. You can go back right now. Swim back to Seoul if you regret it so much,” Jeongguk pointed towards the sea.
Jimin echoed Jeongguk’s frustration, “Why would you say that? Why would you regret coming after insisting to come? This trip was supposed to be for the two of us but we opened it up for you when we heard that you wanted to come. We switched everything around, we made it a trip for three. We made a lot of sacrifices for you to be here. And now you say you regret coming?”
Tae didn’t have a chance to answer. The server arrived with two arms full of hot dishes. Jimin helped her place the plates down and they all thanked her. Quietly, they began to eat. All three of them felt it was best not to say anything else. They ate in silence, refusing to talk to each other for about twenty minutes as they consumed their food.
Sejin suddenly appeared at the table. He had heard about the argument and dropped in to check on them. “Everything alright here guys?”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
None of them wanted to drag Sejin into it. The less people who knew why they were arguing, the better.
“We need the cameras back on. Disney doesn’t want reels of blank footage,” he joked.
Jeongguk leaned forward and switched both cameras back on. He could only hope for the best even though the three of them were still in a heated argument.
“You sure you’re ok?” Sejin said again in his most comforting hyung voice.
“We’re sure.”
Sejin wasn’t tuned in to what was bothering them. As brothers, they bickered from time to time, but not so much since they’d become adults. However, this time, everything in his gut told him that the events of the previous night had something to do with why Tae was upset. From Sejin’s observation, the triple layered dynamic had a tendency to go a little wonky whenever all of the maknaes were together. There was so much volatile history there. And the situation was only made more complex by Jimin and Jeongguk’s affinity towards each other.
But as a seasoned manager with years of experience, he knew to stay out of it and allow them to resolve it on their own. His only concern was the clock ticking and his production crew charging by the hour. Whatever was bothering his three stars, Sejin needed them to resolve it soon or fight it out with cameras on. He didn’t care which, he just needed good footage. Pre-production had already shown significant gaps in the footage since Tae’s arrival. He needed more footage if they were ever going to get the show aired.
They waited for Sejin to leave before continuing their conversation.
Tae immediately asked a question that had been bothering him, “Why didn’t Namjoon or Yoongi come?”
“Because for the one hundredth time, not everyone can just come on this show,” Jeongguk replied.
“It’s our show. Just the two of us and we let you in,” Jimin tried to explain.
“You let me in? Since when do I need to be let in?”
“Since we negotiated this show, planned it, produced it, picked the locations, selected the cities, made and made the travel arrangements for two people,” Jeongguk yelled. His frustration was starting to show.
“You mean you never wanted me here?”
Jeongguk clarified, “I didn’t say that. You’re here aren’t you? We could have said no.”
“Do you two have any idea how this looks? A show with just the two of you going to romantic places, renting yachts and watching sunsets, sharing beds, frolicking around half naked. Do you realize what fans are going to think?”
“I don’t really give a fu..,”
“Jeongguk!” Jimin cut him off. “Post production will take care of some of this. But the premise of the show is to explore our friendship and spend some time before enlistment. That’s all. There is nothing sinister about that. Just two friends.”
“Alright, if it’s a friendcation, why weren’t all of us included from the beginning? All five of us who are remaining? If your Buddy enlistment gets approved then you’re going to be right next to each other for the next two years. Why wouldn’t you invite the rest of us, the members who you won’t see, to spend time together? Aren’t you going to miss us too? Don’t you want to spend quality time with the rest of us? Why just you and Jimin?”
Jimin attempted to gingerly explain their reasoning, “We don’t know if our buddy request is going to be approved. This trip is something we’ve wanted to do for years but never had time.”
“This entire show idea is weird. How did you even get this approved?”
Jeongguk rubbed his forehead, “You really don’t get it.”
Tae slammed his hand on the table again, “NO I DON’T GET IT! You’ve been treating me like a third wheel since I got here. Ganging up on me, teasing me, excluding me from your little pathetic jokes. Why bring me here to ignore me?”
“No one has ignored you asshole! We welcomed you with open arms and made every attempt to include you in everything,” Jeongguk fussed back.
Tae kept arguing, “Why didn’t you just tell me no that I couldn’t come? Then at least I would have avoided dealing with that bullshit from last night. I look like a third wheel, like I don’t belong with my own group members. Why would you do that to me instead of just explaining it? None of this makes any sense. I don’t understand this show. I don’t understand what we’re doing and I don’t understand why I’m still here. I’m leaving. You two can have this shit.” Tae threw his napkin on the table and stormed out.
“Of course, now you want to bail, so typical. You begged us to let you come and now you’re begging us to let you leave,” Jeongguk said with malice. He rubbed his forehead in frustration.
“Jeongguk, let me handle this. Tae! Tae, please wait.” Jimin ran after him.
Tae refused to look back. He was done with both of them. From the lies, to the humiliation, he was done. The only thing on his mind was getting back to Seoul.
Jimin caught up with Tae in the parking lot. He was on his phone, ordering an Uber to take him back to the rental house to get his things.
Jimin grabbed him and forced him towards the car, “You’re coming with me. We need to talk.”
“Why, so you can tell me more lies?”
Jimin broke eye contact. He felt a twinge of guilt because Tae was right. He had indeed been lying to him simply by not admitting the truth. He decided that it was time to finally come clean with his best friend. Doing it in the middle of filming the show was not optimal, but if they didn’t want the situation to implode, he had to calm Tae down and that meant, telling him everything.
“Just get in the car.”
“No,” Tae refused.
“You’re getting in the car.”
“No,” Tae said again.
Jeongguk stayed behind to pay the bill. He watched from the window as Tae and Jimin tussled in the parking lot. He worried about Jimin’s body and wondered if he was in pain. The day was supposed to be spent relaxing while giving him a chance to heal. Dragging Tae across a dirt covered parking lot was not part of the plan.
The server brought the receipt and not a second too soon,“Thanks.” Jeongguk gave her a cash tip and rushed to the parking lot to help Jimin wrangle Tae. He grabbed Tae’s arm and gave him a firm warning, “Hey! Either get in the car with Jimin or I’m kicking your ass right here, Hyung,” Jeongguk said semi-respectfully.
Tae was fine wrestling with Jimin because he knew that Jimin loved him too much to ever hurt him. Jeongguk however loved him just enough to actually hit him if he thought Tae was being unreasonable. Tae decided to take his chances with Jimin. He sulked and climbed into the passenger seat before buckling his seatbelt. His tightly folded arms and clenched jaw were his displays of protest.
“Let’s go,” Jeongguk was already on his motorcycle, fully geared up and ready to take off. He spoke to Jimin and Tae through a microphone that he attached to his helmet and his phone.
“Yea, ok.” Jimin watched him from his rearview mirror. Jeongguk looked so cute. “Is your helmet buckled tightly? We can’t let you get hurt.”
“It’s good.”
“Careful…ok?”
“Promise,” Jeongguk responded.
“Mind the traffic and go slowly.”
“I’m fine. I promise to arrive safely, just for you.”
“Just for me…,” Jimin smiled into the mirror so that Jeongguk could see his face. Using his thumb, he traced the outline of Jeongguk’s lips over the reflection in the mirror.
Tae stared at Jimin. The tender exchange about Jeongguk’s safety was much more than just brotherly concern. “Oh God. It’s true. Every bit of it is true, isn’t it?”
“What’s true?”
“The two of you,” Tae said bitterly.
Jimin wasn’t comfortable answering the question the way that Tae presented it. He started the car and pulled onto the road. The car they were driving had dashboard cameras that picked up footage and conversations inside. Jimin made the bold move to switch them off, even though Sejin had warned them about low footage.
“It was never something we intended to happen. I don’t think I even realized it until a few years ago. But I was in denial. I was…tormented by guilt. I did everything possible to ignore it and to pretend that it wasn’t happening. But I was trapped, Tae. I couldn’t get away from him. Everyday, working side by side. Traveling the world, experiencing things that only the seven of us had ever experienced and doing it all together. The feelings just grew deeper and deeper because he’s just that special. I tried to keep my distance. But that wasn’t realistic. We’re in the same group. What was I supposed to do? Quit the group to get away from him? I know you think that I should have controlled this better. I know you think that as the elder, I should have abandoned those feelings. Well Tae, I tried. I tried and I tried!”
“You didn’t try hard enough.”
“Imagine meeting someone who clicks with you on every level. Someone who understands you like no one has ever understood you in your lifetime. Imagine meeting someone as handsome and talented and as emotionally vulnerable as him and realizing he’s the Yin to your Yang? That’s what happened to us. The odds of the two of us meeting and being in the same group were next to zero. Yet it happened, yet it was destined.”
“When did this all happen? When did you start…dating or whatever this is?”
“That’s a good way to describe it…whatever this is. Because we surely didn’t realize we were dating. We thought we just loved spending time together. We thought we just liked hanging out and sharing a bed and shopping. We thought we just liked the same movies. Things intensified after our trip to Tokyo. But we didn’t define ourselves as dating. We were in denial until…until a photo leaked.”
“A photo? What photo?” Tae asked curiously.
“It was November 8th, 2018. Jeongguk and I wanted to go out for an innocent night on the town. Dinner, a little drinking. We were celebrating the one year anniversary of our trip to Tokyo. I invited a former friend of mine to tag along. We ended up at Halago, a really cool restaurant in Apgujeong. Every year they put up this heart-shaped wedding arch made of flowers. People take pictures under there. Some people even got married under it. I swear, Tae, we were just playing around…but we decided to walk under the arch. We held hands and pretended to say wedding vows. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing, right there underneath the flowered heart. We were in public. We should have known better. My former friend who was with us took a picture. Luckily for us he didn’t get a picture of us kissing, but he did capture a picture of us holding hands.”
“Wait, is that the picture that was leaked a couple of years ago? I remember seeing that. People said it was fake, but I knew it was real. I know my two best friends when I see them. And yeah, it was pretty scandalous. I asked you about it…both of you. And you both said it was fake. Another lie?”
“Yes. The photo was out there but since everyone assumed it was a fake, we didn’t bother to tell anyone the truth. Some of the management team even started fake accounts to spread the rumors that there were cos-players in the photo. All of it was to hide the truth. And it worked…for the most part the fandom refused to spread them. But then, my former friend betrayed me in the worst way. He released the other pics from that night that proved the picture under the arch was authentic. We were devastated, and betrayed. But we were mostly angry with ourselves for allowing ourselves to be caught in that position. We were lucky that it wasn’t worse.”
“Why were you so affected by the picture?”
“It was the first time we realized that we…weren’t just friends. We were dating under the guise of friendship, but that’s not what it was at all. That’s when we knew that what we were doing was different from the relationship we had with any other members. We acted like a couple and the minute we saw that photo, we knew that our feelings for each other had changed. We held hands under that arch and we never wanted to let go. We kissed under that arch like it was a real wedding. For a brief moment, we lived our fantasy. Tae, we wanted the vows to be real.”
“Great. So you two playing house almost lit the world on fire. See, that’s what I don’t understand. Why take so many chances?”
“It was stupid. It was dangerous. But his love is like a drug. Sometimes…I just want to crawl away and live in his world. He’s my soulmate, Tae.”
Tae was triggered by hearing Jimin reply to Jeongguk as his soulmate. His tone immediately ratched up, “Why him? The world is big out there, Jimin. You could have anybody you want. You’re the biggest star in the world. Why settle for the one person you can’t have?” Tae asked directly.
“Don’t you think I know this? Hiding these feelings and keeping them buried has been hell on me. I started drinking, I started having weird thoughts. I started being reckless. I did everything to cope, to make it go away. Bang was so worried about my behavior that he forced me into therapy. Remember?”
“Yea, I do. But I had no idea it was because of this.”
“And do you know what the therapist told me? He said that I had to admit my own truth because it was the only way to save my life. And so here is my truth. I love Jeongguk and he loves me. Falling in love is not something that a person can control.”
“This is a mistake Jimin. You can’t possibly love him. You just…you haven’t experienced enough of the world. There are thousands of men out there.”
“I’m not naive and I’m not stupid. When I tell you I did everything possible to get over him, I mean it. I dated plenty of other guys, privately, discreetly. Probably too many. I just wanted to find somebody who could make me feel the way he did. At the time I had just turned twenty-two and I knew I was falling for him, I knew it. I dated other people, just to keep myself away from him. And I know that it hurt him. But, he sat back and he watched me. He allowed me to explore my life. Even though he was young, he knew what I was trying to do. He let me sew my wild oats because he knew that eventually I would come back to him. And he was right. He makes me whole, Tae. And that is my full truth.”
“This is bullshit Jimin. Do you hear yourself? You’re justifying having a physical relationship with a bandmate. Do you know how fucked up this is? I will never believe that you couldn’t have found someone else. You’re too famous to date each other. You’re the two most famous celebrities in the entire world.” Tae had no sympathy and no understanding.
Jimin angrily pulled over to the side of the road and slammed hard on the breaks. “Are you fucking kidding me? You of all people are going to say that to my face? I told you how it happened, I told you that it was out of our control. Now you on the other hand, you had full control over your decision to start fucking Jennie. Oh, did you not realize that you were two of the most famous celebrities in the entire world when you strolled hand and hand down the river in Paris? You went public with your relationship and you didn’t talk to any of us about it. You let us find out about it in the news. You chose the biggest star in the world to be your girlfriend and you threw it in everyone’s face. But somehow you feel that my private relationship with Jeongguk is a mistake and morally wrong. Yet you fucking Jennie is perfectly ok. Fuck you!”
Jimin’s sudden pull-off made Jeongguk nervous. Sensing that the two may be arguing, he followed them and then jumped off of his bike to see what was happening inside of the car. He could hear their screaming voices as he approached, even though the window was closed.
He tapped on the glass, “Hey, what’s going on?” Jeongguk took one look at Tae’s face and knew that the mild-mannered, affable soul was seething. He needed to intervene because the situation between his lover and his best friend was escalating quickly.
Sejin and the film crew who were traveling two car lengths ahead of them, also noticed Jimin’s sudden stop on the side of the road. He made a U-turn and quickly headed back towards them. Whatever was happening, he hoped that the cameras were still rolling.
Jimin and Tae’s argument reached a fever pitch with Tae angrily chastising Jimin, “ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU’RE BRINGING MY GIRLFRIEND INTO THIS? MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JENNIE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM ME DATING A MEMBER OF MY OWN FUCKING GROUP. KEEP HER NAME OUT OF THIS.”
Jimin came out of his seatbelt. He was hot with anger, “WHY? SO YOU CAN RUN AROUND THINKING YOU’RE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU’RE DATING A GIRL? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? YOU’RE MAD BECAUSE I’M DATING ANOTHER MAN? OR ARE YOU JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I DON’T PUT YOU FIRST ANYMORE?”
The passenger door burst open and Tae was suddenly pulled out, “Oooookay, this conversation is over.” Jeongguk had run to the passenger’s side of the car and pulled Tae to safety.
“Get your hands off of me. What are you doing?” Tae fought against Jeongguk as he dragged him away from the car
“Saving your life. He’s pissed off. And so are you. I think you both need some space,” Jeongguk knew that he needed to separate Tae from Jimin right away.
Jimin was a gentle soul. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t harm a fly. But when he was angry, he became a different person. It took a lot to push Jimin’s buttons but Tae had definitely pushed his buttons. Even Jeongguk had to admit that his elder was scary when he was mad. No one needed to be reminded that Jimin was a black belt in karate and that’s why Jeongguk got him out of that car. It seemed inconceivable that Jimin could be driven to violence, but Jeongguk didn’t want to take that chance.
Just then Sejin arrived. Jeongguk pulled Tae towards Sejin’s car and pushed him inside. “Hey, give him a ride back to the house, please? I need to talk to Jimin alone for a second.”
“What’s going on?” Sejin asked with concern.
“Just a little brotherly love,” Jeongguk smiled.
Tae gladly jumped into Sejin’s car. He didn’t want to drive with Jimin anyway. “Take me home so I can pack please. I’m leaving tonight,” Tae advised Sejin.
“Tonight? You just got here. We haven’t filmed enough scenes with you.”
“I’m going home,” Tae repeated.
Jimin was out of the car, still cursing at Tae as Sejin drove away with him. Jeongguk pulled off his helmet and threw it to the ground. He ran behind Jimin and embraced him from the back, wrapping his long arms around him and placing his open palms along Jimin’s chest to calm his heartbeat.
“Stop. Stop this. He’s gone. This isn’t like you, calm down. Calm down and talk to me,” Jeongguk wrestled an angry Jimin, hugging him from behind and wrapping him in his arms.
“We never said a damn word about his private life or who he dated. He can date Jennie and allow her to post unlimited selfies in their matching clothes. But I can’t dare date you privately…,”
Jeongguk sighed. Now he understood why Tae was so angry, “Oh…oh Jiminie. You didn’t play the Jennie card did you? You know that’s a sore subject for him.”
Jimin could feel the energy from Jeongguk’s embrace. His heartbeat slowed, his breathing calmed and his senses leveled. Once again he was thinking clearly. “I - I did. But he just made me so mad,” Jimin admitted.
“His relationship with Jennie is very different from what you and I have going on. I would have gotten mad at you too.”
“Yea, well it’s a little worse than that. I also kinda accused him of only objecting to our relationship because we were gay.”
“Noooo you played the homophobe card too? You know he’s not like that. Oh you made a mess,” Jeongguk placed his hands on his hips like a disappointed father who had just caught the neighbors kids playing in his tulips. “Ok welp guess it’s up to me. We tried it your way and that didn’t work. So now it’s my turn,” Jeongguk grabbed his helmet and climbed back onto his motorcycle.
“What do you plan to do?” Jimin asked.
“Somebody has to talk to him, make him understand. I’m going to give it a try. Plus, I don’t want him to leave. He needs to stay. He’s right. This is the last time we’ll all be together before he leaves for special forces. We need to appreciate the time we have with him.”
“I don’t care if he leaves,” Jimin huffed.
“You don’t mean that. You’re still carrying a little petty princess residue. Go back to the house and soak your sore asshole in the hot tub. Besides, I want back in and you’ll never let me get anywhere near you if it hurts everytime I touch it.”
Jimin sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. “I already told you ‘No’ 100 times. My answer won’t change.”
“You don’t know how persistent I can be,” Jeongguk laughed as he cranked his Harley. “Give me some time with Tae. I think I know how to fix this.”
Tae slammed the glass sliding door open to the rental house. He marched upstairs, angrily stomping along each step. He couldn’t wait to get away from them. Sejin was already working on an emergency return flight back to Seoul. As soon as his flight was finalized, Tae was planning to leave.
He threw his luggage on the bed and began gathering his belongings. He didn’t even bother to fold them, he just threw them into the bag. Tae pulled out his phone and sent a few texts, one of them to Jennie, to let her know that he was coming home a day earlier than expected. He was just about to check in with Sejin when he felt dampness in his shirt. A stream of water had completely wet his t-shirt. He grabbed at his back while looking up at the ceiling. He assumed that something was leaking from the roof.
Just then, he was hit with another heavy stream of warm water. This one was aimed at his head. He could feel that the back hairs along his neck were completely soaked. And that’s when he saw Jeongguk out of the corner of his eye. He was standing behind the door in the bedroom, aiming his super soaker water gun directly at Tae.
“I’m not in the mood for games. Get out of here,” Tae said angrily.
Jeongguk shot him in the back again. This time he completely soaked the back of Tae’s shirt, showing no mercy. He dropped another water gun and kicked it over to him.
“Defend yourself.”
Tae was not in the mood. He was angry, tired, hurt and a little bit worried that Jimin would find him and want to fight. Having a water gun fight with Jeongguk was not on his bingo card.
As he stared at the water gun on the ground, his mind momentarily flashed back. The year was 2014. He, Jimin and Jeongguk were in a hotel room, bored, finding ways to entertain themselves. They were the three closest members and they loved being together back then. They had super soaker water guns that they filled with warm water. They completely ruined the hotel room shooting at each other for hours. By the time they finished, the hotel carpet was soaked. The first thing Jeongguk said before the fight started was, “Defend yourself.” Despite getting into trouble with Bang PD, it was one of his happiest memories.
Tae smiled. In his own way, Jeongguk was reaching out to him, extending an olive branch as an apology for all of the disagreements. He picked up the gun and pretended to throw it on the bed, but instead he spun around and shot a long warm stream straight into Jeongguk’s face. The fight was on.
They ran around for ten minutes, jumping over the beds and hiding behind doors. The fight was epic and it was just enough to disperse Tae’s anger. They collapsed on the bed laughing, both of them completely drenched from head to toe.
“Wish we had these guns back when we were teenagers,” Jeongguk said.
“Yea. I wish we were still teenagers. Everything was much easier back then,” Tae said, bringing them back to reality.
“Sorry for all of this. And so is Jimin. I’m sure he told you everything. But there is something that he probably didn’t tell you. The reason we agreed for you to come is because we love you. I don’t know…maybe we should have done this differently and included you without you having to find out about it in the scheduling group chat. But please understand, we meant no disrespect to you. We weren’t trying to leave you out. This was less about you than it was about…us. Me and him,” Jeongguk explained.
“He told me you two are in love.”
“Yea, we are.”
“Jeonggukie? Did you two…I mean how long has it been…physical?” Tae asked shyly.
“We’ve done some things. But last night was the first time…uh…that…,”
“...right in front of my salad? I mean dude, I was right upstairs,” Tae grimaced.
“We didn’t mean for it to happen. It was the first and the last time. We decided last night that being physical was a step too far. We won’t do it again. And I’m sorry for you know…doing it in front of your salad.”
“Yuck. That’s so weird. Did you actually…uh…I mean since when do you know how to…uh…with another…guy?” Tae made a strange gesture with his hands that ended up with him rubbing his index finger through his fist.
“Yea…we did…but I’m not giving you details about that. I’m twenty-six. I know all of the things that I need to know,” Jeongguk smiled demurely.
“Top or bottom?”
“Tae.”
Tae threw his hands up, “Well at least I’m not crazy. My gut told me that Jimin’s limp was not because of his damn knee. Oops wait. I think I just answered my own question.”
“Tae.”
Tae giggled. “I’m dropping the subject.”
Jeongguk laughed, “Good. But seriously, we went too far. Especially considering we’re filming a show. But it just happened. Sometimes passion can’t be controlled even amongst the most disciplined people. And you know how disciplined Jimin is.”
“I know. You must be irresistible to him.” Tae patted Jeongguk on the shoulder. “He’s so fucking happy lately. I suspected he was in love. But I never suspected it was you.”
“I won’t apologize for this. But I will apologize for not being more careful. We’re going to continue dating and nothing is going to stop us. However, we will continue to be discreet and keep this private, you know?”
Tae felt tears. He covered his face with his hands. “Ugh. I never should have come.”
“Don’t say that. Why are you saying that again? We already told you, we wanted you here -”
Tae interrupted him, “I shouldn’t have come because I can’t shake the feeling that I interrupted something sacred. Something deeply meaningful that you two were trying to capture. I didn’t know Jeongguk. I didn’t know how important this show was to you.”
“You’re important too. That’s why we made sure to say yes to you joining us. I’ll admit we were a little bratty at first, but having you here has been incredible. You’re a reminder of our commitment to our members and how much we love them…and you. Please, don’t leave. Finish out the Jeju trip with us.”
“Why are you here, just you two? This is going to really get the shippers talking in the fandom. Why put this out there and expose yourselves this way? Is this some kind of soft launch?”
“Not at all. It’s much, much more complicated than that. It’s a long story. Put on a dry shirt and let’s grab a beer.”
“Sure, but where’s Jimin?”
Jeongguk laughed. “He’s not mad anymore. And I sent him away so that you and I could talk. Don’t worry, I won’t let him kick your ass,” Jeongguk patted Tae on the back again.
The two settled on the first floor near the pool. They drank a couple of beers and had a much needed soul-to-soul talk. Jeongguk did his best to explain everything that had happened during the last couple of years since their hiatus. Tae admittedly was out of touch and much of what Jeongguk had to tell him was a shock…
As Jeongguk began, he took intermittent sips of his beer, “There was no guarantee that our buddy enlistment would be approved. At first, we thought it was a done deal. I mean we were two of seven of the biggest stars in Korea’s history. Surely someone would make some phone calls to make sure that we could serve together. We started the process back in 2018, talking to soldiers who had done it and understanding how/when to submit the paperwork. But as time went on and our service became more and more political, we realized that no one was on our side. No matter how popular we were or what we had done for this country, there was no guarantee that the chips were going to fall in our favor. And that’s when we panicked.” Jeongguk wiped his eyes. There were tears there, but they were not for Tae to see. “I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to leave Jimin. He’d been by my side since I was thirteen years old, and my boyfriend since I was about twenty. I wasn’t ready to be without him and Jimin knew it. One night I said something crazy about running away together and not going to service at all. I was drunk. I didn’t mean it, but I did expose myself, my mental state. It was at that point that Jimin knew what he had to do.”
“What do you mean he knew what he had to do? What did he have to do?”
“He had to prepare me for the eventuality that we would be separated. He distanced himself. Not completely of course. He could never do that, for his own sanity. He needs me just like I need him. But he stopped responding to my every whim. We used to spend every waking moment together. We either spent the night at his house or mine. We were barely ever apart, even off tour. But suddenly, after hiatus began, he was always busy. Too busy. In his defense, he was recording a double album, fulfilling his Dior appearances, traveling, filming videos, practicing ten hours a day on choreo, filming challenges and writing his entire album. His hands were full. I was busy too, let’s be honest. Preparing for both of our solo debuts was not an easy feat.” Jeongguk took a break. They sat in silence for a few minutes until he was ready to begin again.
“Whenever I was free, I would call him, but he was never available. Whenever he was free, I would call him, but he wasn’t available. It didn’t take me long to figure out that he was intentionally avoiding me. I even resorted to trying to talk to him through my VLIVES. I would pretend he was in the audience, watching me, thinking about me, loving me. I would pretend we were on dates. I was just so desperate for his attention. Sometimes he would give it to me, other times he wouldn’t. I know ARMY must have thought I was crazy, staying live for hours and hours and hours at a time. The truth is…I was always waiting for him.”
“Oh Jeonggukie. You’re literally breaking my heart right now.” Tae shook his head, “I still don’t understand. Was he trying to break up with you?”
Jeongguk shook his head, “I don’t think he ever wanted that. He would still find time for me, but it was more balanced. It wasn’t everyday like it used to be when we were still working. Honestly, I thought he was dating someone else. He promised me that he wasn’t. I was so blinded by hurt and abandonment.”
“I’m still lost.”
“You see, he never really left me. He was always there. Always. But he didn’t want me to know. He wanted me to stand on my own. He was constantly pebbling, sending me strength through subtle sources. Encouraging me when I needed it the most, making suggestions on enhancing my life. He even suggested that I spend more time with you. That’s one of the reasons I flew out to Hawaii to visit you. Still, I missed him so much. There were many times that I cried myself to sleep, even cried on live stream. I begged him publicly and privately to spend time with me, but he was very measured in the time that he gave to me. I tried to talk to him about it. But he would never explain himself. He would only say…one day you’ll understand. I was left guessing, thinking the worst about him. It was a stressful time that almost broke me.”
“Oh Jeongguk, you should have talked to me about it.”
“Yea, you and Jennie. Let’s be honest, you had your own shit going on. Plus you were so happy. I didn’t want to bring you down with my problems. I was happy for you and proud of you too. One day when I was sorting through music with Namjoon, trying to come up with the best songs for my album. We were listening to a song called Hate You. And I broke into tears. He decided that we needed to talk. That conversation with Namjoon changed everything for me.”
“What did he say?”
“You know Namjoon. Deep thinker, very intuitive. He was an aphorist as always. He explained Jimin’s action through a series of quotes and philosophies about life. But there were two quotes in particular that stood out.”
“Quotes. You figured it out through quotes?” Tae shrugged.
“Clearly Jimin had talked to Namjoon about what he was doing. And, without betraying Jimin’s confidence, Joonie led me to the answer. In Jimin’s mind, I needed time to find myself. Be myself. Live by myself. Create myself. Depend on myself. He wanted me to live a full life, a happy life that didn’t include him. Joonie called Oubaitori. Based on a Japanese concept that Jimin studied back in 2017 when we were in Japan together. It was, in essence, Jimin’s belief that it was my time to blossom on my own without the imprint of my brothers, or him. You see, being the youngest, I was the only one who had never lived on my own. I was in everyone’s shadow and they all took credit for who I had become. But Jimin wanted me to be me. To bloom into the man that I could take credit for becoming. He was trying to prepare me for the eventuality of being separated and torn apart during military service. And as painful as it was for him, he pushed me to do it the only way he knew how. He had to remove himself as my safety net.”
“He’s very cerebral. Only he would think of something like that. What an incredible sacrifice. That must have been even harder on him than it was for you.”
“It was. Jimin is mentally tough. He can do anything that he sets his mind to…except for falling out of love with me. And trust me, he tried. But…he kept himself busy so that he wouldn’t miss me as much. We still saw each other. We still spent quality time, just not as often. He pushed me out of the nest and it was the most selfless loving thing he could have done. He watched me grow, he watched me claim my independence. He watched my work ethic and how I navigated the challenges of my life. He watched how hard I worked to create my album. He watched me create myself. Still though, whenever I needed him the most, he was there. He secretly flew to Saudi Arabia with me for my FIFA performance. He never disappeared, I just thought he did. He gave me enough freedom to be free. And you know what…it worked. By the time this show came around, I had done it all. Traveled alone. Filmed a documentary. Met new friends. Got reacquainted with old ones. And most importantly, I found the courage to serve alone even if he couldn’t go with me. I was no longer scared to be without him.”
“I have a feeling that this wasn’t just for you Jeonggukie. I think Jimin had to learn how to live without you as well.”
“He did. He admitted that later. We were co-dependent and it was something we never even noticed until we were about to be pulled apart. It was almost tragic.”
“His methods were a bit Draconian, but I get why he did it. Why didn’t he just tell you what he was doing?” Tae asked.
Jeongguk laughed, “Because I would have never accepted it. I would have fought him to the death.”
“Yea, that’s totally true. You’re stubborn.”
“And that brings us to ‘Are You Sure’. After a year of distancing ourselves from each other, we thought it was time to come back together again. This show is just a small part of a bigger plan that we’ve had in place since hiatus started. It was supposed to be our last moments together before military service and since we still didn’t know if buddy enlistment would be approved, we decided to really do it big. We wanted to create memories that would sustain us and stay with us forever if we were separated. The show looks like a big unplanned honeymoon because it is a big unplanned honeymoon. We didn’t even have a name for the show until after the first few episodes. This is our celebration, our chance to do all of the romantic, wonderful things we couldn’t do before. Our chance to make up for lost time. The truth is, we planned the trip alone because it’s a romantic trip. But in order to be allowed to travel out of the country to all of the places we wanted to visit, the travel had to be for work. That was the only way we could get International Travel Visas this close to our military service date. With that premise in mind, the show was born. This isn’t really a work trip, but we made it into one back in 2022 when we pitched the idea. So that’s why you and the other members weren’t invited. But we’re very happy to have you here now.”
“So I ruined it?”
“You did not. However, we did add one more stop to the tail end of our schedule. You cannot tag along on that one,” Jeongguk teased.
“Understood,” Tae slapped his shoulder.
“Don’t leave Jeju. Stay with us. We have so much planned that includes you. More eating, more activities and a boat ride tomorrow. Say you’ll stay?”
“Now that you put it that way…yes. I’ll stay,” Tae agreed.
“Jimin will be happy to hear it.”
“Tomorrow, you’ll find out if your Buddy assignment was approved. Are you scared?”
“Very. But not as scared as we used to be. We’ve grown a lot. At least now we know that we can survive without each other because we already proved it to ourselves. Two year ago, that would have never been possible.”
“And if it’s bad news?”
“We’re fighters, we’re strong and we’re in love. Whatever they throw at us, we can handle.”
“I wish you the best. I want this to happen for you because I know how much it means to you.” Tae fave him a hug. “And Jeongguk, you don’t have to worry about me saying anything about what you and Jimin have told me. I’ll keep your secret. But I do wonder what you plan to do about this. I stand by what I said last night, this could affect all of us.”
“We won’t let it affect us. This relationship is private. We’ve kept this secret for seven years. And, despite our little show, we will never come out and confirm anything. Not right now anyway. We have final edit approval on every episode. We’ll watch closely and if there is anything we’re uncomfortable with, it comes out. No questions asked. We negotiated it as part of the contract.”
“Kicking the can down the road.”
Jeongguk laughed, “For right now, yes. At least until after service. And then after that…we don’t know.”
Tae remained with Jimin and Jeongguk and enjoyed the rest of his time in Jeju. As promised, the two planned a variety of activities for them. A deep dive into water gun fights, rock climbing, dancing, eating and karaoke brought back cherished memories from their youth. The trio fell in love again, making amends and finding common ground. Thanks to their resolve, they managed to salvage what could have been a tumultuous period leading up to their military service.
Above all, Tae apologized for disparaging their love. And they apologized to Tae for hiding the truth about their relationship for so many years. Tae was finally given all of the details about their affair. They confided everything to him. They trusted him, something they should have done years ago.
Tae still worried about what the future held for them though. He wanted them to make it work but he was very concerned about what their relationship would do to the group.
The trio ended their trip with a renewed energy towards their friendship. They said goodbye to Tae as he boarded the plane back to Seoul. Sejin and the rest of the camera production crew headed back to Seoul as well. Jimin and Jeongguk remained in Jeju for one more night until the start of the holiday.
There were no more cameras for the remainder of their trip.
***
[To Be Continued...]
That is the end of part TWO. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading. As always, likes and tips are greatly appreciated. If you head over to the POST tab and find this story in the thread, you can hit the like button. Part THREE starts to heat up, so get ready. Will post soon.
